Thoughts on parenting my spirited little boy

I'm pretty sure one of the reasons Apollo came to our family was to teach us- especially me- how to be patient. Oh I love him to pieces, but sometimes I want to pull my hair out when parenting him. He is a spirited child- click here for a link to a great book on the subject. I have yet to finish the book, but what I have read gives me hope on how I can parent him better. Spirited kids are simply "more"--by temperament, they are more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, and uncomfortable with change than the average child. In Apollo's case, when something doesn't happen the way he envisions it happening, he has a major meltdown. He'll fixate on strange things and have a full-out screeching, kicking tantrum over things such as not being given the sippy cup he had in mind. It can be so frustrating!!!!

But on the flipside, he is so amazingly perceptive and so verbal. He has an incredible ability to express his feelings and emotions clearly (especially for a three-year-old). I'm pretty convinced he is a genius. When he's happy, he's not just happy- he's shrieking with laughter. His joyful moments are just as intense as his tantrums. It must be exhilerating to feel so passionately all of the time. It's exhausting to keep up with, as his mother, but I wouldn't change a thing about him if I could.

Anyhow, lately, I have been losing my patience with him more than normal. Cameron and I have even resorted to spanking him when we've exhausted all other forms of punishment. I don't like spanking, because I'd rather reason with him if I can or use time-outs as punishment, but when he's hitting his sister or doing something dangerous, a swat on his bottom seems like the best option. It sometimes works. Usually, Apollo ends up upset and I end up feeling awful. Mostly, I don't like spanking him because I am usually upset when it happens, and I never want to use physical punishment out of anger. I am hoping we can find more answers on how to better parent our passionate little tyke as I continue reading this book.

I took him to the mall the other day. He insisted on wearing his Spiderman costume- mask and all. I knew if I said no there would be a fight, so I let him. When he's in his Spiderman getup, the only thing visible are his hands and his big blue eyes through the mask holes. He looks ridiculous. When he walked onto the play area, I felt like I was escorting Justin Beiber into a crowd of pre-teen girls. He was a celebrity. A group of boys swarmed him and immediately started making swooping and wooshing noises as they pretended to fight Spiderman. Apollo was in heaven. Would you believe we spent two hours playing in the play area at the mall? TWO HOURS. It was adorable watching him and all of other little boys do their fake fighting. Sunshine was in heaven climbing all of the foam toys and following the older kids around. She wants to be a big kid so badly. The best part was that they were so worn out, they both fell asleep in the car on the way home and I had a few solid hours of alone time. It was precious.

Our trip to the play area was fresh in my mind when I read this article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38882665/ns/health-kids_and_parenting/ It examines the merits of agressive play amongst boys. I use to be a firm believer in conditioning- that so much of our behavior stems from experience and environment, but the longer I parent, the more I believe that children come into this world with their own personality from the get-go. Sunshine and Apollo came into this world so different, with such unique personalities. It is yet another reason why I believe in a pre-existence.

Anyhow, I have been thinking a lot about Apollo these last few weeks. His first day of preschool is just around the corner and I am so excited for him! I'm nervous for him too. I can't wait to see how he does in preschool, the friendships he makes the things he learns. I'm going to  miss him, but I am also going to cherish the precious hours I will have alone with Sunshine.

I think this letter from Abraham Lincoln (though it is disputed if he really wrote this) to his son's teacher best sums up the way I am feeling lately:



Lincoln’s Letter to his Son’s Teacher

He will have to learn, I know,

that all men are not just,

all men are not true.

But teach him also that

for every scoundrel there is a hero;

that for every selfish Politician,

there is a dedicated leader…

Teach him for every enemy there is a friend,


Steer him away from envy,

if you can,

teach him the secret of

quiet laughter.


Let him learn early that

the bullies are the easiest to lick…

Teach him, if you can,

the wonder of books…

But also give him quiet time

to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky,

bees in the sun,

and the flowers on a green hillside.

In the school teach him

it is far honourable to fail

than to cheat…

Teach him to have faith

in his own ideas,

even if everyone tells him

they are wrong…

Teach him to be gentle

with gentle people,

and tough with the tough.


Try to give my son

the strength not to follow the crowd

when everyone is getting on the band wagon…

Teach him to listen to all men…

but teach him also to filter

all he hears on a screen of truth,

and take only the good

that comes through.

Teach him if you can,

how to laugh when he is sad…

Teach him there is no shame in tears,

Teach him to scoff at cynics

and to beware of too much sweetness…

Teach him to sell his brawn

and brain to the highest bidders

but never to put a price-tag

on his heart and soul.


Teach him to close his ears

to a howling mob

and to stand and fight

if he thinks he’s right.

Treat him gently,

but do not cuddle him,

because only the test

of fire makes fine steel.

Let him have the courage

to be impatient…

let him have the patience to be brave.

Teach him always

to have sublime faith in himself,

because then he will have

sublime faith in mankind.


This is a big order,

but see what you can do…

He is such a fine little fellow,

my son!


~ Abraham Lincoln