Ten years and some pearls of wisdom

My senior pictures

Saturday was my ten year high school reunion. TEN. YEARS. A decade. I didn't attend the reunion, but dang if it didn't make me do some reflecting.

In so many ways it feels like just yesterday I was giggling with my friends, painfully shy and too afraid to even look at the guy I had a crush on (let alone talk to him). I was awkward and hopeful and a little bit arrogant in what I thought I knew. I was totally a teenager.

 Yes, it seems like just yesterday... but in many other ways, those days seem like an eternity ago! I still feel young, but parts of me feel very, very old. I have crammed a WHOLE LOT into the last ten years. I earned my bachelors degree, lived in seven different cities, got hitched, five pregnancies, had three kids, more jobs than I can count, bought, gutted and remodeled a house... It's been BUSY.

I wish I could go back in time and speak to my awkward, cocky 18-year-old self. She was kind of... dumb? No, not dumb. Just inexperienced.

Off the top of my head, here are some of the things I would say to 18-year-old Rory. I'm no Maya Angelou, but it may have helped:

Keep laughing
Your still perfecting your ability to laugh at yourself. Keep it up. There's so much good material ahead of you. Life is hilarious.

You'll learn to be more bold. You can do hard things: 
I know you are painfully shy and totally awkward around people.You'll get better. Don't doubt yourself so much. You can do hard, scary things. If you aren't scared, you probably aren't pushing yourself.

You'll learn how to dance. Yes, knock-kneed you will actually dance! You'll even join a swing dancing club.

You'll be the only sober performer at multiple karaoke bars. You're a rock star.

You'll have a summer job for three years straight where you wear a kevlar vest and carry around handcuffs, an asp and pepper spray. You'll work the night shift sometimes- alone. In a city park. You'll be scared. You'll be the only woman surrounded by a bunch of macho guys on high-protein diets. It will be very smelly and annoying and make you grateful that you are a feminist. You'll tackle full-grown men. You'll break up fights. You'll stop an armed robbery. You'll tackle and cuff a nude sex offender. See? You're a total bad (_I_)!

You'll finish college in four years, despite transferring schools and changing majors. You'll go to class on zero sleep from working the night shift. You'll get pretty decent grades despite your inability to begin writing a paper until the day before it is due.

You'll learn how to exercise on the non-girly equipment at the gym (the ellipticals are for pansies). You'll use free weights and the squat bar. You'll sweat a lot. You'll be able to ask people "which way to the gun show?"

You'll make the first move on the guy you have a crush on. Yes- not only will you be able to actually talk to a guy you think is cute, you'll even ask him out. You'll end up marrying him :) He's hot.

You'll give birth. To big babies with giant heads. Your epidurals won't always work. You'll run on no sleep for months at a time. Despite all of the sleeplessness and pain, it will be the best experience of your life.

See? You'll do all kinds of bold, scary/awesome things. And you'll survive!

Everyone has a story, and everyone deserves to be heard. Listen.
You know that summer job I was telling you about? While working there, you'll  use smelling salts to revive a meth addict and realize that the man with five teeth and track marks up his arm is your best friend from childhood and the first boy you ever kissed. You'll remember his blue eyes and his little boy face and wonder how many people you have overlooked. You'll cry.

Offer to help the lady with the crying baby and screaming toddler at the grocery store. Don't judge her for her stained sweatshirt and unkempt hair and grumpy children. You'll be in her shoes soon enough. Oh, and hold the door open for her, especially if she is pushing one of those stupid gigantic car shopping carts or a double stroller.

Try to love those people who are difficult to love .They need it the most. Smelly people, old people, grumpy people, angry people. They just need someone to be nice to them. Be nice.

You will survive your first heartbreak. Don't be a drama queen:
Please, don't pen all of that melodramatic, poorly-written poetry. It's embarrassing. Don't spend all of that time listening to sappy, sad songs and crying in your car over a pint of Ben & Jerry's. There's someone WAY better for you just around the corner. Be patient.

 I repeat, be patient.


Bangs are a bad idea. Always. 
ALWAYS.

Don't fall for the hype:
You know that thing you think you need that will solve all of your problems? It won't. It will lose its luster. It will end up broken and drooled on by children. It will be used as a prop or as a cleaning rag or thrown into the garbage. If it's a piece of technology, it will be obsolete in two years and you won't even be able to donate it to Goodwill.

You know that home you see in magazines, with the perfect decor and the spotless windows and the model children? That isn't a happy home. It's a home where the mother has been cleaning all day and nagging the kids and cursing under her breath. A happy home is messy and smells like crayons and peanut butter and has toys on the floor and too many pictures and art projects pinned to the refrigerator.

Fall in love with yourself before you fall in love with anyone else:
You'll find love when you stop looking for it. When you realize that another person isn't going to complete you, you'll finally be ready. Enjoy those years you have where you get to discover who you are without distraction. Be patient. Soon enough, your plate will be so full of work and children and responsibility, you may long for that alone time.

Love the questions:

I'll leave it to someone more eloquent to sum up:

“…I would like to beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is to live everything.Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

-Rilke

 Learn how to balance a check book and budget:

It's not pretty when you bounce seven checks in a row, especially when the checks are for amounts of $5 and less. You always got A's in math- now put those math skills to work! Be meticulous. overdraft fees suck. 

Start budgeting. You don't need all of those clothes and purses and makeup. Contribute to your 401K. Don't roll your eyes at me, these are pearls of wisdom here! 

Tell me dear readers, what pearls of wisdom would you give your 18-year-old self?