Oh vanity

What do you think this is?

• A picture taken by the Hubble telescope of a crater on the surface of Mars
• Some sort of sculpture made with flesh-colored crepe paper
• Spanish stucco

I really wish it was something like that... but it's not. It's my belly button. 

I haven't always had a belly laden with hundreds of stretch marks and flaps of skin that get caught in zippers and pinched between things accidentally.  I loved my belly button and I even had a story that went along with how it use to look- I called my belly button my "fairy butt". When I was little, I noticed that inside of my belly button there was something that resembled a small butt. I was convinced that a small fairy-like creature tried to crawl into my stomach and got it's butt stuck. I spent many hours trying to push the "fairy butt" into my stomach to help the poor creature dislodge itself, but all that I was rewarded with was a tender belly button.

There was a time in college when I even allowed someone to take embarrassingly cheesy pictures of me in a shirt that showed off my belly button. I now look at these pictures and cringe, but at least I have something to remember my old belly button by:

That was my best "blue steel". I was so cool or something. 

So... how did my belly button go from a fairy's butt to a pit of despair? 

Exhibit A:

Pregnant with Apollo

Exhibit B:

 Pregnant with Sunshine

Exhibit C:

Pregnant with Phoenix

It's been through a lot in the last five years. I have lots of extra skin and stretched muscles, and I even have diastastis recti and a hernia. So many things going on with my stomach. I guess it makes sense that it would look so... used. Yesterday I was nursing the baby while Apollo watched a movie on the bed with me. He looked over at my stomach and said "Your belly looks so old! It's funny looking!" I set him straight and showed him how cool a belly like mine is. I showed him how I could make the extra skin on my belly into the shape of mouth and make it talk. I could hide things in all of that extra skin. We laughed belly laughs... but a small part of me still wanted to cry. That vain critic in the corner of mind who likes to tell me that I'm not lovable if I'm not physically beautiful started talking. 

Well, this is me telling that voice to shut it. There is nothing more beautiful than a mother.

My favorite picture of myself. 

I sometimes wonder how much time I've wasted fretting over trivial things that are out of my control- like my belly button. What if I had spent that time doing something constructive, like learning to play guitar? I'd probably be Jimmy freakin Hendrix by now. I guess there is a reason that vanity is one of the seven deadly sins. 

I apologize if I totally grossed you out with that first picture. I'm pretty sure my belly button on a billboard could help curb teen pregnancy or something.