Two weeks ago my mom came over and we spent some time working on flowers for my cousin Brooke's wedding. The flowers were gorgeous- red and white roses with white Hydrangea. The wedding was just as gorgeous, in a beautiful downtown Catholic church with the reception at the Fischer Pavilion near the Space Needle in Seattle. And the bride and the groom? Stunning. A handsome college football player marrying one of the most gorgeous brides I have ever seen.
And then.. tragic news. My heart hurts. It's just so unfair.
Last week, I also learned about the death of one of my friend's children. He was five months old and as adorable as babies come. His mom was my best friend in fifth grade and one of the kindest people I have ever known. When I heard about the death, I ran to Phoenix's crib and held him and didn't put him down for a few hours, even though he was sleeping and I had a million chores to do. Mothers should never have to bury their babies.
Forgive me, for a moment, while I talk religion. I know it's right up there with politics and bathroom humor when it comes to things to avoid in polite conversation, but I'm learning that there are worse things than bad manners. Like never having the courage to speak your mind. Sometimes, I have a hard time understanding why God lets bad things happen to good people. What would the world be like without death and tragedy? Why do innocent people suffer? Why do babies die and horrible people live to be old men? It just doesn't seem fair.
Trying to understand God seems like a futile undertaking sometimes. It's like an ant trying to understand astrophysics. Who am I to think I could even begin to fathom the ways of God, and what's the point in trying? But when I imagine losing a loved one, or see people facing trials that I could scarcely comprehend, I am thankful that as human beings, we try.
A little background on my religious perspective: I believe that we are spiritual creations. Just as, following the laws of physics, energy is never lost but only dissipates or changes form, I also believe we have souls that are not lost with death. I believe that we are here to learn and, that as God's children, learning means experiencing pain and trials. I believe in a Heavenly Father and Mother that want us to emulate them, so that we may someday be like them (a very audacious thought to some people, but I have a hard time imagining a God that merely created us to worship him for eternity. It just seems a little narcissistic). I believe that families are eternal. I marvel at science, at life, at the vastness of the universe. I marvel that I was granted this small piece of matter, my body, which I have complete control over in this life. I hope that I can learn to use it to do the will of God, to bring hope and love and charity. Sometimes, this body just wants to eat chocolate and watch reality TV from the couch. Seems pretty far off the mark.
But, I digress. The question I have been pondering lately is why a loving God allows life to be so wretchedly unfair. I still haven't figured it out yet, but I'm the the ant trying to figure out astrophysics here and don't expect to ever understand it. I do believe that we are given trials so that we can learn, and that without unhappiness we could never truly have happiness either. A few scriptures I came across:
D&C 29:39
And it must needs be that the adevil should btempt the children of men, or they could not be cagents unto themselves; for if they never should have dbitter they could not know the sweet
D&C 122:7-8
"Here then is a great truth. In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life, we pass through a refiner’s fire, and the insignificant and the unimportant in our lives can melt away like dross and make our faith bright, intact, and strong. In this way the divine image can be mirrored from the soul. It is part of the purging toll exacted of some to become acquainted with God. In the agonies of life, we seem to listen better to the faint, godly whisperings of the Divine Shepherd."
Another section of scripture I have been pondering is Job. Oh man, he puts all of my complaining to shame. If my whole family had died and I was covered head to toe in boils, you can bet your butt I probably wouldn't be singing the praises of god.
Right now, I am training for the Hell Run. It pretty much sucks. My body hurts. My lungs sting and my joints ache and I feel like puking after running a pathetic three miles. But you know what? I know when I cross that finish line I'll experience a joy that can only follow a lot of pain and hard work. And I'm thankful. All I know for sure is that those moments of bliss are magnified by those trials I've faced.
Please keep my cousin and my friend in your prayers, and forgive me for waxing religious. Just trying to imagine what they are going through is difficult and I haven't been able to stop thinking about them. I hope they find some peace and hope in these trying times. I wish there was something I could do to help.
In closing, I'll include a few words from my favorite religious philosopher- Jim Gaffigan.
And then.. tragic news. My heart hurts. It's just so unfair.
Last week, I also learned about the death of one of my friend's children. He was five months old and as adorable as babies come. His mom was my best friend in fifth grade and one of the kindest people I have ever known. When I heard about the death, I ran to Phoenix's crib and held him and didn't put him down for a few hours, even though he was sleeping and I had a million chores to do. Mothers should never have to bury their babies.
Forgive me, for a moment, while I talk religion. I know it's right up there with politics and bathroom humor when it comes to things to avoid in polite conversation, but I'm learning that there are worse things than bad manners. Like never having the courage to speak your mind. Sometimes, I have a hard time understanding why God lets bad things happen to good people. What would the world be like without death and tragedy? Why do innocent people suffer? Why do babies die and horrible people live to be old men? It just doesn't seem fair.
Trying to understand God seems like a futile undertaking sometimes. It's like an ant trying to understand astrophysics. Who am I to think I could even begin to fathom the ways of God, and what's the point in trying? But when I imagine losing a loved one, or see people facing trials that I could scarcely comprehend, I am thankful that as human beings, we try.
A little background on my religious perspective: I believe that we are spiritual creations. Just as, following the laws of physics, energy is never lost but only dissipates or changes form, I also believe we have souls that are not lost with death. I believe that we are here to learn and, that as God's children, learning means experiencing pain and trials. I believe in a Heavenly Father and Mother that want us to emulate them, so that we may someday be like them (a very audacious thought to some people, but I have a hard time imagining a God that merely created us to worship him for eternity. It just seems a little narcissistic). I believe that families are eternal. I marvel at science, at life, at the vastness of the universe. I marvel that I was granted this small piece of matter, my body, which I have complete control over in this life. I hope that I can learn to use it to do the will of God, to bring hope and love and charity. Sometimes, this body just wants to eat chocolate and watch reality TV from the couch. Seems pretty far off the mark.
But, I digress. The question I have been pondering lately is why a loving God allows life to be so wretchedly unfair. I still haven't figured it out yet, but I'm the the ant trying to figure out astrophysics here and don't expect to ever understand it. I do believe that we are given trials so that we can learn, and that without unhappiness we could never truly have happiness either. A few scriptures I came across:
D&C 29:39
And it must needs be that the adevil should btempt the children of men, or they could not be cagents unto themselves; for if they never should have dbitter they could not know the sweet
D&C 122:7-8
7And if thou shouldst be cast into the apit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the bdeep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give theeeexperience, and shall be for thy good.
A quote from this talk:"Here then is a great truth. In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life, we pass through a refiner’s fire, and the insignificant and the unimportant in our lives can melt away like dross and make our faith bright, intact, and strong. In this way the divine image can be mirrored from the soul. It is part of the purging toll exacted of some to become acquainted with God. In the agonies of life, we seem to listen better to the faint, godly whisperings of the Divine Shepherd."
Another section of scripture I have been pondering is Job. Oh man, he puts all of my complaining to shame. If my whole family had died and I was covered head to toe in boils, you can bet your butt I probably wouldn't be singing the praises of god.
Right now, I am training for the Hell Run. It pretty much sucks. My body hurts. My lungs sting and my joints ache and I feel like puking after running a pathetic three miles. But you know what? I know when I cross that finish line I'll experience a joy that can only follow a lot of pain and hard work. And I'm thankful. All I know for sure is that those moments of bliss are magnified by those trials I've faced.
Please keep my cousin and my friend in your prayers, and forgive me for waxing religious. Just trying to imagine what they are going through is difficult and I haven't been able to stop thinking about them. I hope they find some peace and hope in these trying times. I wish there was something I could do to help.
In closing, I'll include a few words from my favorite religious philosopher- Jim Gaffigan.
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7 comments:
I love you, Moo.
That's rough Rory. I hope your friend is doing okay considering the circumstances. :( I agree, knowing that there is so much more out there for us is comforting and allows us to progress in life even when we just want to die. I hope your cousin finds eternal bliss with his new bride and that you guys are enjoying your beautiful family. :)
We lost our first baby 4 years ago, and it will always be painful. But it has made me so grateful for what I do have, and hopeful for the future when we get to have our little girl again. You've re-focused my priorities- Thanks!
As we've faced death in the face with our family's trial, I've read and studied this a lot. A few things that hit home for me:
"The more you experience death, the less scary it will be." I think in our modern day with the advancement of technology, and deaths becoming fewer and farther between, we are very afraid of death. Yes, of course it's a painful experience for anyone to endure a loved one's death, but death is not as sad/scary of a thing as we feel it is.
This was from a lesson I gave in YW's: "When we see a child die it is very sad and we wonder why, but when viewed from Heavenly Father's perspective, it is a very joyous occasion in which He welcomes back one of His precious children." That especially struck a chord for me.
Finally, a lot of the sad/unfair things in this world are the result of others' choices. And because of the way the plan works, we HAVE to be able to choose, sometimes at the expense of others. The beauty is, no matter what, we ALL win in the end. Heavenly Father wants us ALL to be happy and we will be.
I've not said this yet, but I am SO happy to see that you joined the church Rory! I KNOW the gospel is true and that the Book of Mormon is of God. My testimony means everything to me and carries me through.
I'm sorry about the pain you are experiencing. There's another good quote by Elder Scott that talks about how trials, although painful, stretch us to the points we need to be and show us that God trusts that we're ready for that.
This is long--sorry! Just something that is obviously on my mind too lately. One thing I know without a doubt is God DOES know what's best although we cannot always see it.
It is such a tragic loss, for Brooke. I am glad that you and yours shared Brooke and Andy's joy at their wedding. I'm working on flowers for the funeral Monday. mostly White Roses, White Oriental lillies. I love flowers because they remind us that life is sweet and precious and fragile. I treasure every day with family and friends. I wish for their joy to overcome their sadness at being parted. Andy's legacy is how he adored Brooke and how she loved him. That love was well celebrated and her loss is shared by everyone who witnessed their love. He will be missed.
I have no words. Just hugs.
Death is hardest for those that don't die.
Rory, I just read your latest blog and it made me cry! The 1st anniversary of Lynn's death is on Saturday and I've been reminiscing a lot on the 13+ years we had together and on death in general. It's true what your friend, Amy, said. The more you experience death the less frightening it will be. I know first hand after losing two husbands a father and brother to cancer. it's a peaceful feeling to know they are healthy and happy again. However, to lose someone you love in such a quick and unexpected way would definitely be harder to deal with. I thank the Lord each day for the knowledge the Gospel gives us. That knowledge helps us to carry on, looking forward to that "perfect brightness of hope" the scriptures teach us. I was so impressed and touched by your humble testimony and your courage to share it with everyone who reads your blog. It's not for us to understand God's ways, just to have the faith that He always does what is best for us in the long run, then endure to the end.
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