Today was full of so many moments, good and bad. I spanked Sunshine and in a moment of complete frustration I yelled at my kids to shut up. I was barfed on and peed on and pooped on by Phoenix, all in the span of five minutes. I locked myself in the bathroom for alone time. I'm pretty sure I said the F word under my breath more than once. I also tickled Sunshine and delighted in her adorable giggle and the way she wrinkles her nose when she's happy. Apollo showed me magic tricks with his little magic set and helped me glue a snowman together made from paper plates. I helped Sunshine make a Santa face from cotton balls and listened to her sing B-I-N-G-O for about twenty minutes straight while we rode around in the car. Phoenix smiled his cute grin at me today and I noticed how his new bottom teeth make him seem so much older. Cameron and I worried about money from all of our medical bills and car repairs and home repairs. I realized that I was coming down with mastitis, tore the house apart looking for my heating pad, only to remember that Edwin ate it last winter when we put it in his little house on a cold night. We bought a toy for a little girl from the giving tree at Cameron's work. Sunshine cried when she saw it and yelled "mine"!
It may not seem this way tomorrow, or even ten minutes from now, but in this moment, my life seems so breathtakingly beautiful. It is perfectly imperfect. My heart is spilling over with gratitude... for all of the second and twelve-hundredth chances I get each day to do better, to learn, to love, to laugh. To become something better than what I am... and though I will likely never be the version of me I fantasize about, with all the worldly accolades or intimidating talents and beauty... I am loved. I am learning. But most importantly, I am grateful.
Have you counted your blessings today? Next to laughter, I can't think of anything more therapeutic.
11 comments:
That's the problem with this stage of life. It is a constant rollercoaster. One minute I am sighing to myself about how I wouldn't trade the opportunity to be with my kids at home for anything and the next minute (often literally) I am locking myself in the bathroom just to get a break from their annoying demands. I have told shawn to stop asking me how my day was, and ask me how this moment is. When I think back on my day--it is colored by how the specific moment is going. It is good to remember that the day is made up of discrete events.
Amen to what you said and then Taylor's comment.
Too often I judge my day in one big lump, and when that happens all I can recall are the negative things. I need to learn to realize that life is lived in moments (especially in this season with little ones at home)and I need to start panning for the gold flecks and not the gold nuggets.
My life is abundantly blessed and I need to not let the bad moments make me feel any less grateful.
And thanks for keeping it real, Rory. As silly as it sounds, it warms my heart to know you yell at your kids and tell them to shut up and then lock yourself in the bathroom and mutter under your breath. Yep, I do the same thing :) !!
Hang in there! We can do this! We are strong and we have God on our side!
Merry Christmas!
I love our life together. I love just barely scraping by with someone as great as you. I love what we learn together while we do that.
I also love wrinkling my nose with you and the kids--whether it's because we're all laughing together, or smelling the stench of what life has farted in our faces.
I don't know where we'll end up in this life or how we'll get there, but it will be a swell place and the journey will no doubt be a filled with mushy love and bazaar beauty.
I hear you 100%. I just got off the phone with my mom after a complete melt down because of my son for the second time this week. And today is supposed to be a fun birthday filled day. I do all the things you said you did today... and I feel like I'm more angry than happy with my children lately. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones- but I miss just wanting to cuddle with them and eat them up! I guess it's all on perspective, and I need to change mine- but I'm glad that I am not alone!
I can completely relate. So well said, you are definitely not a talent-less hack. This post made me think of Bing Crosby's White Christmas. The song 'I go to sleep counting my blessings'. Some times is so easy to get caught up in "first world" problems that we aren't thankful for all the things that we do have like food, shelter and safety. Thanks for helping remind us what's really important
Your honesty and willingness to share how we all feel is so wonderful. I love reading your blog. I feel better since I know I am not alone. (I screamed at Cadey to shut up yesterday too, and broke down and spanked her)
Amen! Sometimes I am grateful that my children will most likely not remember when they were this young...they will forget the numerous times that i lose my temper and am a crazy woman... but other times it makes me sad to think that all of my efforts as a mother will be forgotten. I guess that is how it goes though. They will remember that they are loved and happy. They always will be. I can tell that you guys are great parents for your kiddos!
Honestly, I like your musing posts.
Next time, try locking your kids in the bathroom. Then you have the rest of the house to yourself! :)
Rory, you can feel free to muse all you like - it's your blog! That's what it's for! And it's totally normal to have days like this. You have three young kids. Life is hard and wonderful at the same time. You're in good company, judging from all the comments so far! You can do this! You're doing a great job! You are a loving mom, and it's fine and normal to get upset sometimes. You're awesome.
A beautiful, joyous and riotous, sometimes righteous, life.
I am happy that you take a moment to notice when it all comes together for an instant, and then you want to keep it there, forever.
I love you and your family that the two of you have created, in all its perfection and imperfection. Merry Christmas.
I love reading about my dear Graves family, Rory you say it well. You bring tears of joy and reality to my eyes.
I often wonder if I would rather stay home than work but then I think maybe there is too much Hulk in me. And I also fear that I would just read and ignore them rather than do all the things I want them to do while I am away.
Just think, once they are all old enough to play in their rooms on their own, you will miss having them ask you to join them.
<3 Chele
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