See ya 2011!!!!

Top Graves Family Highlights from 2011:

The Good:

-Phoenix's birth! All 15 inches of head- I am pretty sure I deserve a medal. 

- Apollo turned four, became a superhero, learned how to read, and pretty much knocked my socks off each day with his giant encyclopedia brain. We made an epic cake. I'm still proud. 

- Sunshine turned two, learned how to climb EVERYTHING, caused a few gray (white?) hairs, tried to pick Phoenix up by his head about a bajillion times, and continues to be the pinnacle of adorable when she isn't being Gozer the Gozarian. 

- I watched my friend Erik and Justice's baby be born. It was such a cool experience!!! 

- Cameron and I and some of our friends trained and ran the Hell Run- hopefully the first of many fun races where we can pretend to be jocks and fling mud. 

The Bad:

- Our furnace broke. instead of a shiny new mini-van we spent $12,000 on a shiny new heat pump. But, I am grateful for the fancy, warm, ionically filtered air I can now breath.

- Apollo broke his nose. I'm surprised it took four years for this to happen. 

- I had Functional Sinus surgery after months of sinus infections, a mystery asthma diagnosis, etc. It was gross and painful, but I am grateful for modern medicine and skilled physicians. I currently have a sinus infection and am back on antibiotics and prednisone... really hoping to kick butt this year and not be sick. I'll find out this week if it is a food allergy causing all of this crap. Hoping for some answers.

 Looking hot!

The Ugly:

- I posted a picture of my mangled stomach on my blog and it is the most popular post I have ever written- it's had thousands of hits according to the stats on my blog. :) Just trying to keep it real. 

- Cameron got a vasectomy. With two thirds of our pregnancies resulting from failed birth control and  after many prayers about what was right for us, we decided it was a good time to say goodbye to our childbearing years. It's bittersweet. I don't think my back could survive another pregnancy, though. 

2012 Goals

- Get healthy!!! with my fancy air filter and allergy tests, I can hopefully get to the root of this sinus garbage that is plaguing me, get off the steroids and get to feeling normal again. 

- Make my kids wash their hands more. They keep getting sick, and I'm tired of it. Simple, right? 

- Exercise. Rachel the fitness nazi and I will be resuming our weight training and cardio... I'm excited. Cam has plans to start working out in the mornings and will be playing basketball again this season. Apollo is doing soccer. 

- Cameron plans to go the entire year without eating a single cookie. I scoff at this goal. It seems impossible. I plan to only eat dessert on Sundays. 

- Organization: Our family of five shares a home that is a mere 1,040 square feet. We could be buried in toys if I didn't make this an annual goal. 

- Survivor mud run! We're training for another run in July... I'm excited.

- Create more, consume less. I spend a lot of time reading things, listening to things, watching movies, consuming technology and information like a ravenous pig... but I feel restless when I don't create. I hope I can spend more time creating things, be it writing, baking or painting something... 

- Become more spiritual. Pray more. Forgive more. Love more. Serve more. Ask for less. Be grateful. 

- Yell less. If you know me well, you know that I yell.. a lot. 

What is your resolution for 2012? 

Santa Sighting!

Moments of clarity

Tonight, Cameron and I laid in bed talking for a few hours. I laid out all of my insecurities and secrets... how I sometimes feel like a horrible parent, a talent-less hack, a rumpled smelly fart of a person. He made me laugh by comparing our parenting styles to Harry Potter characters and then referenced a scene from the Incredible Hulk movie while talking about my temper. We laughed some more. I pondered how I could be spread so thin, yet feel so fat.We talked about those moments and people who have shaped us. I cried a few times. He fell asleep to the sound of me babbling and then I was left with my thoughts and a scratched movie I rented from Redbox that wouldn't play on my laptop. So here I am... listening to the hum of my computer and the clack of my fingers against the keys... feeling a little guilty that I haven't taken more pictures and documented more moments on our little blog. This blog is slowly being overtaken by my incoherent musings rather than being filled with pictures and stories as I had intended...

Today was full of so many moments, good and bad. I spanked Sunshine and in a moment of complete frustration I yelled at my kids to shut up. I was barfed on and peed on and pooped on by Phoenix, all in the span of five minutes. I locked myself in the bathroom for alone time. I'm pretty sure I said the F word under my breath more than once. I also tickled Sunshine and delighted in her adorable giggle and the way she wrinkles her nose when she's happy. Apollo showed me magic tricks with his little magic set and helped me glue a snowman together made from paper plates. I helped Sunshine make a Santa face from cotton balls and listened to her sing B-I-N-G-O for about twenty minutes straight while we rode around in the car.  Phoenix smiled his cute grin at me today and I noticed how his new bottom teeth make him seem so much older. Cameron and I worried about money from all of our medical bills and car repairs and home repairs. I realized that I was coming down with mastitis, tore the house apart looking for my heating pad, only to remember that Edwin ate it last winter when we put it in his little house on a cold night. We bought a toy for a little girl from the giving tree at Cameron's work. Sunshine cried when she saw it and yelled "mine"!

It may not seem this way tomorrow, or even ten minutes from now, but in this moment, my life seems so breathtakingly beautiful. It is perfectly imperfect. My heart is spilling over with gratitude... for all of the second and twelve-hundredth chances I get each day to do better, to learn, to love, to laugh. To become something better than what I am... and though I will likely never be the version of me I fantasize about, with all the worldly accolades or intimidating talents and beauty... I am loved. I am learning. But most importantly, I am grateful.

Have you counted your blessings today? Next to laughter, I can't think of anything more therapeutic.