"How YOU doin'?"
I always thought the myth of Narcissus was interesting, because it is such a great illustration of vanity and pride. Frequently, it is peoples' vanity or arrogance or self-indulgence that becomes their greatest downfall.
I have been reflecting on the story of Narcissus lately--pun intended. Sadly, I find myself able to relate to him. Not because I like making out with the mirror or because I think I'm hot stuff... but because I have caught myself thinking of myself more often than others lately... it's little things here and there, like how I will take a picture of my kids or something else awesome and feel the immediate need to post it on Facebook or write a blog about it so that everyone else can see it (because I'm sure everyone is constantly wondering what Rory is up to). It's the delusion that everyone is thinking about me and my life.
But, I don't think it's an isolated case for myself- I'm not the only one posting pictures and writing blogs all about me me ME! We all do it... social networking helps us share our experiences... blogging is kind of like a public journal, and an awesome way to record family history and to share experiences with our friends and family. It connects people. It is supposed to bring people together... but does it?
Sometimes, yes. But in many ways, I think it just makes us more narcissistic. We have our own personal soundboard to shout out our opinions or political stances... I can take a picture of the delicious thing I just ate and share it will my three hundred-ish friends, let them know what music I am listening to on Spotify, show everyone how awesome my vacation was or the cute video of my baby . When I log onto facebook, the first thing I check is who has commented on something I wrote, who has messaged me... it's all about me, me, me...
I have to admit- I kind of like it. As a full-time mom to three young ones, most of what I do isn't about me at all. At the end of the day, after picking up toys, wiping butts and making meals for my family of five, I don't really get a lot of feedback about how awesome I did or what a great mom I am. Nobody notices the clean laundry in their drawers or the legos that aren't puncturing their feet in the hallway because I put them away. It can be a lonely, thankless, exhausting job. Facebook to the rescue!
I can post about my experiences and struggles and other people will comment on them. Adult conversation is such a treat when most of your day is spent talking to a two and four-year-old. I get encouragement and compliments on things I have written about. I can seek advice. It's like a nice big can of self-esteem just got opened and spooned onto my plate, with a heaping side of social interaction. I love it! The possibilities are endless!
Or are they? What can't I do on my blog or Facebook? Well... Give someone a hug, for one. Look someone in the eye. bring someone dinner. play with my kids. Clean my house. Create something tangible. I also find that my self-esteem begins to hinge on Facebook or blog comments rather than what should really matter- like what kind of a mother or friend or wife I am in person... not the one I create online, with all of the nice pictures and funny quotes from my kids, but the one wearing her pajamas at noon feeding her kids cereal for dinner because she spent too much time doing other things to make dinner. It's quite selfish, really.
So... for the sake of balance, I am slowly weaning myself from the internet. It is definitely still a part of my life and always will be, but I am trying to set boundaries. To have internet-free days, or limit my online time to an hour or two a day. To unplug. To find other ways to boost my fragile Facebook-dependent ego and social life. And I have to say- it's really freeing. I didn't realize how much I missed the non-virtual parts of my life. Hello world! I'm back!
Anybody else want to weigh in?
4 comments:
Spot on! Lots of food for thought ... my mind is whirling!
I've been thinking about this for a long time...I get in a crazy routine online when I have a baby, because I keep myself occupied with a computer or iphone while I'm nursing, and I nurse a LOT. Like, a lot a lot. Two years a lot with each kid...and then it's a hard habit to break, and it IS a welcome respite from the three bottoms needing my attention, the three mouths constantly asking for things...it's nice to just read what Sue is up to, and give Casey advice on what to make for dinner, and post pictures that I know Nana wants to see...say something mildly funny and have actual humans respond. I'm a homeschooling mom of three young kids- I don't get out much! Most of my friends are homeschooling too, so they don't get out either. So, I stay online, but I feel guilty! Good food for thought.
Well said, Rory. I feel like it is really about balance. I have had the same evolving relationship with the internet and ironically enough, I feel a lot better about myself when I stay off until the evening when my kids are in bed and the house is picked up.
I will also say, that you are a great writer and I don't ever get the impression that you are fishing for compliments or just going on and on about yourself. There have been a couple of blogs (cjane enjoy it, and Nat the Fat Rat) that I have read less and less because I get tired of the narcissism. I do not feel the same when I read your blog though. So, I say...keep writing, but write about life and learning instead of just yourself (not that you do this, but others have and it turns me off). PS. Have you read the blog 71 toes? I love her blog!
Wow. I was thinking this is exact thing today. Well, parts of it. like, how special moments are literally destroyed when I think, "How am I going to write an awesome status about this?" And honestly, I don't know how to get away from it.
Like that day when Richard pulled me into the shower after I TRIED to drench him with cold water from the outside. It wasn't even five minutes later (I was still wet) when I wrote that status. And R just shook his head, like, "Really?" Instead I could've just continued laughing, but that one little interruption just kind of ended the moment.
And, then I began regretting the online world. But, who wants to feel guilty over something so silly?
Good luck with your cutting ties with Facebook/internet in general. Much of our world relies on it. My first intervention step will be getting rid of my iphone. Soon. Make me!
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