The Life and Times of the Graves Family

Narcissism, Facebook and Motherhood...

2012-01-23T19:17:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard the Greek myth about Narcissus? Legend says that he was an exceptionally beautiful, proud and vain hunter who disdained his many adorers. His nemesis saw this and attracted Narcissus to a pool where he saw his own reflection in the waters and fell in love with it, not realizing it was merely his reflection. Unable to leave the beauty of his reflection, Narcissus died.

"How YOU doin'?"

I always thought the myth of Narcissus was interesting, because it is such a great illustration of vanity and pride. Frequently, it is peoples' vanity or arrogance or self-indulgence that becomes their greatest downfall.

I have been reflecting on the story of Narcissus lately--pun intended. Sadly, I find myself able to relate to him. Not because I like making out with the mirror or because I think I'm hot stuff... but because I have caught myself thinking of myself more often than others lately... it's little things here and there, like how I will take a picture of my kids or something else awesome and feel the immediate need to post it on Facebook or write a blog about it so that everyone else can see it (because I'm sure everyone is constantly wondering what Rory is up to). It's the delusion that everyone is thinking about me and my life.

But, I don't think it's an isolated case for myself- I'm not the only one posting pictures and writing blogs all about me me ME! We all do it... social networking helps us share our experiences... blogging is kind of like a public journal, and an awesome way to record family history and to share experiences with our friends and family. It connects people. It is supposed to bring people together... but does it?

Sometimes, yes. But in many ways, I think it just makes us more narcissistic. We have our own personal soundboard to shout out our opinions or political stances... I can take a picture of the delicious thing I just ate and share it will my three hundred-ish friends, let them know what music I am listening to on Spotify, show everyone how awesome my vacation was or the cute video of my baby . When I log onto facebook, the first thing I check is who has commented on something I wrote, who has messaged me... it's all about me, me, me...

I have to admit- I kind of like it. As a full-time mom to three young ones, most of what I do isn't about me at all. At the end of the day, after picking up toys, wiping butts and making meals for my family of five, I don't really get a lot of feedback about how awesome I did or what a great mom I am. Nobody notices the clean laundry in their drawers or the legos that aren't puncturing their feet in the hallway because I put them away. It can be a lonely, thankless, exhausting job. Facebook to the rescue!

I can post about my experiences and struggles and other people will comment on them. Adult conversation is such a treat when most of your day is spent talking to a two and four-year-old. I get encouragement and compliments on things I have written about. I can seek advice. It's like a nice big can of self-esteem just got opened and spooned onto my plate, with a heaping side of social interaction. I love it! The possibilities are endless!

Or are they? What can't I do on my blog or Facebook? Well... Give someone a hug, for one. Look someone in the eye. bring someone dinner. play with my kids. Clean my house. Create something tangible. I also find that my self-esteem begins to hinge on Facebook or blog comments rather than what should really matter- like what kind of a mother or friend or wife I am in person... not the one I create online, with all of the nice pictures and funny quotes from my kids, but the one wearing her pajamas at noon feeding her kids cereal for dinner because she spent too much time doing other things to make dinner. It's quite selfish, really.

So... for the sake of balance, I am slowly weaning myself from the internet. It is definitely still a part of my life and always will be, but I am trying to set boundaries. To have internet-free days, or limit my online time to an hour or two a day. To unplug. To find other ways to boost my fragile Facebook-dependent ego and social life. And I have to say- it's really freeing. I didn't realize how much I missed the non-virtual parts of my life. Hello world! I'm back!

Anybody else want to weigh in?

Throwing Stones

2012-01-18T22:05:00.000-08:00

(A few months ago, I wrote this down on a whim, for an essay contest I read about... didn't win but still wanted to share it)

It was one of those scorching summer days when I could feelthe soles of my sneakers turn sticky and soft against the concrete. I guzzledwater and let it trickle down the neck of my shirt beneath my Kevlar vest. If Iwasn’t working I’d probably be wearing something light and breezy, like acotton dress. Instead, I felt claustrophobic inside my uniform: Black,knee-length shorts and a utility belt that held handcuffs, pepper spray, apolice radio and a collapsible baton that was meant to be used as a weapon forself-defense. My bulky white shirtbuttoned over my ill-fitting bullet-proof vest made my upper body look huge andemphasized my skinny legs, “like an orange with toothpicks for limbs” is howNick, one of the other officers, described me.

I often wondered what made those who hired me think I wassuited to be a security officer. I was ascrawny, pale, 19-year-old girl, the one who blushed when someone usedprofanities. After many discouraging weeks looking for a summer job to fill thegap between my college classes, I ended up at Riverfront Park in Spokane,Washington, the sprawling acreage where most of the city’s major events tookplace. I was expected to work a job where I dealt with a very peculiar group ofpeople; Drunk people, men who ran naked through the playground, women whopicked fights and spat at people when they were angry. I was the only femaleworking with seven men who all seemed to be on high-protein diets and aspiredto someday become police officers or firefighters.

But, I stayed. I worked that summer, then the next, and thenext. My confidence grew as my body became lean but strong from hours of hardwork and bike riding. But I also began to feel jaded. Spokane’s meth epidemic ensured that therewas a steady stream of drug addicts in the park boundaries, living underbridges and along the banks of the river like an infestation of rats or roaches.My frustration with people who threw their lives away on drugs and bad choicesmounted. I developed a smugness that overshadowed the compassion I might haveshown. “Those people” made my job difficult.

Then came that sultry day in August-- a day when my onlyreprieve from the heat was to ride my bike down all of the inclines along theriver-cooled trails surrounding the park, creating my own breeze. It was theday I found Stephen.

Despite the relentless, muggy heat, the park was crowdedwith people. I’d taken a break from riding, parked my bike beside the carouselalong the water, and began conversing with the other officers working theshift. The music from the carousel echoed across the river, mingling with thestaccato of children laughing, and quacks of the ducks as they fought overbread crumbs on the waterfront. That’s when I first saw him, sprawled in thegrass. Despite the stifling heat andincessant noise, he lay still, asleep. His forehead was heavy with wrinkles,his skin and hair the same shade of sandy brown except for the big, purplishcircles under his eyes. His frame was small and thin and something about hisface looked sad, even in his sleep. The sun was beating down on him and Iwondered how long it would be before he was sunburned.

I rode on, made my rounds, and returned a few hours later.He was still sleeping in the same spot, his face now a deep red.

“We should wake him up,” I said to Nick, one of the otherofficers.

Nick walked over and nudged the man with his boot. “Hey man!Wake up!” he yelled. The man didn’t even stir. I tried rousing him by shakinghis arm. Nothing. “Get the smellingsalts,” said Nick. I retrieved the ammonia salts from the first aid kit in thecarousel and watched as Nick held them under his nose. The man twitched,started coughing, then sat upright, squinting his eyes against the sunlight.

“You’ve been asleepfor a long time,” I said. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he replied. “I’m just tired.”

I knew right away I was dealing with a meth addict. Half histeeth were missing, the other half black with rot. He had track marks up anddown his arms and a faint cat-urine smell emanated from him. He was probably“crashing” when we woke him up- meth addicts can sleep for days at a time whencoming down from a high.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

He shifted uncomfortably and answered, “Stephen.”

I asked him for his ID and he handed me his driver’slicense. As I wrote his full name down in my notepad, a wave of recognitionwashed over me.

Suddenly I was five years old again, perched on top of awood pile along my back fence, chucking rocks at a boy in the alleyway as Iyelled all of the bad words that my five-year-old vocabulary held. I can’trecall why I decided to throw rocks at the poor boy in the alley, but I doremember how awful I felt when he started crying. He looked up at me with thesaddest blue eyes I had ever seen and asked, “What’s your name?”

“I’m Rory,” I replied.

“Do you want toplay?”

That’s how our friendship began. I was cruel and he wasforgiving. It was the first of many days we spent playing in my yard-- diggingin the sand, climbing trees, picking dandelions. I was a bossy child, and hesweetly let me dictate our games. The only time I remember him ever trying totake charge was the day he tricked me into kissing him.

“I’m the mommy and you’re the daddy,” I said.

“If I’m the daddy, you have to kiss me,” he replied.

“No. I don’t have to kiss you.”

“It’s what mommies and daddies do!” he insisted.

I let him kiss me. And I liked it. When my brother came outand teased me about it, I punched Stephen in the arm and told him to go home.

I stand there for a moment with the first boy I ever kissed,slowly taking in the scars on his face, the dirt caked to his shirt. I close mynotebook and slip it back into my pocket.

“Stephen? Do youremember me? It’s Rory.” My voice sounds broken and strained. His eyes are dull and his expression vacantfor a moment, then the glow of recognition slowly spreads across his face andsparkles in his bloodshot blue eyes.

“Hey, yeah, how’ve you been?” he says.” Do you still sing? Iremember you liked to sing.”

“Yes, sometimes.” I reply.

I think of all the times I made him listen to me sing. Irecall the first time I went to his house and asked to see his bedroom. Heopened a hallway closet and showed me a crumpled sleeping bag on the floor. Hissister, who was only a few years older than us, made us Top Ramen. I was amazedshe knew how to use the stove. His mom wore a lot of green eye shadow andsmoked cigarettes that smelled like cinnamon. He told me he didn’t have a dad.As a child, I didn’t understand what all that meant, but now the memory makesmy heart ache.

“Well, Stephen, it’s so good to see you,” I say, trying toregain my composure. My throat aches and I can feel the tears welling behind myeyes. I fumble to put my sunglasses on. “Next time you take a nap maybe findsome shade, okay?”

He holds his hand out and I shake it. It is cold and clammyand weak.

I haven’t seen him since that day, but I’m haunted by thoughts ofthat little boy with the blue eyes and shy smile. It’s easy to overlook people,to brush them aside as someone who isn’t worth the time or compassion. Whatwould I have become, given different circumstances? None of usreally know how close or how far removed we are from the sunburned man sleepingin the grass. Loving someone enough to see their potential, even when you haveto squint to see it, is a gift. It’s seeing that shy boy behind the mask ofdrug addiction and filth. It’s asking the mean girl who threw rocks at you whather name is, asking her if she wants to play.

See ya 2011!!!!

2011-12-31T16:40:00.000-08:00

Top Graves Family Highlights from 2011:

The Good:

-Phoenix's birth! All 15 inches of head- I am pretty sure I deserve a medal.

- Apollo turned four, became a superhero, learned how to read, and pretty much knocked my socks off each day with his giant encyclopedia brain. We made an epic cake. I'm still proud.

- Sunshine turned two, learned how to climb EVERYTHING, caused a few gray (white?) hairs, tried to pick Phoenix up by his head about a bajillion times, and continues to be the pinnacle of adorable when she isn't being Gozer the Gozarian.

- I watched my friend Erik and Justice's baby be born. It was such a cool experience!!!

- Cameron and I and some of our friends trained and ran the Hell Run- hopefully the first of many fun races where we can pretend to be jocks and fling mud.

The Bad:

- Our furnace broke. instead of a shiny new mini-van we spent $12,000 on a shiny new heat pump. But, I am grateful for the fancy, warm, ionically filtered air I can now breath.

- Apollo broke his nose. I'm surprised it took four years for this to happen.

- I had Functional Sinus surgery after months of sinus infections, a mystery asthma diagnosis, etc. It was gross and painful, but I am grateful for modern medicine and skilled physicians. I currently have a sinus infection and am back on antibiotics and prednisone... really hoping to kick butt this year and not be sick. I'll find out this week if it is a food allergy causing all of this crap. Hoping for some answers.

Looking hot!

The Ugly:

- I posted a picture of my mangled stomach on my blog and it is the most popular post I have ever written- it's had thousands of hits according to the stats on my blog. :) Just trying to keep it real.

- Cameron got a vasectomy. With two thirds of our pregnancies resulting from failed birth control and after many prayers about what was right for us, we decided it was a good time to say goodbye to our childbearing years. It's bittersweet. I don't think my back could survive another pregnancy, though.

2012 Goals

- Get healthy!!! with my fancy air filter and allergy tests, I can hopefully get to the root of this sinus garbage that is plaguing me, get off the steroids and get to feeling normal again.

- Make my kids wash their hands more. They keep getting sick, and I'm tired of it. Simple, right?

- Exercise. Rachel the fitness nazi and I will be resuming our weight training and cardio... I'm excited. Cam has plans to start working out in the mornings and will be playing basketball again this season. Apollo is doing soccer.

- Cameron plans to go the entire year without eating a single cookie. I scoff at this goal. It seems impossible. I plan to only eat dessert on Sundays.

- Organization: Our family of five shares a home that is a mere 1,040 square feet. We could be buried in toys if I didn't make this an annual goal.

- Survivor mud run! We're training for another run in July... I'm excited.

- Create more, consume less. I spend a lot of time reading things, listening to things, watching movies, consuming technology and information like a ravenous pig... but I feel restless when I don't create. I hope I can spend more time creating things, be it writing, baking or painting something...

- Become more spiritual. Pray more. Forgive more. Love more. Serve more. Ask for less. Be grateful.

- Yell less. If you know me well, you know that I yell.. a lot.

What is your resolution for 2012?

Santa Sighting!

2011-12-25T08:23:00.000-08:00

Moments of clarity

2011-12-16T02:02:00.000-08:00

Tonight, Cameron and I laid in bed talking for a few hours. I laid out all of my insecurities and secrets... how I sometimes feel like a horrible parent, a talent-less hack, a rumpled smelly fart of a person. He made me laugh by comparing our parenting styles to Harry Potter characters and then referenced a scene from the Incredible Hulk movie while talking about my temper. We laughed some more. I pondered how I could be spread so thin, yet feel so fat.We talked about those moments and people who have shaped us. I cried a few times. He fell asleep to the sound of me babbling and then I was left with my thoughts and a scratched movie I rented from Redbox that wouldn't play on my laptop. So here I am... listening to the hum of my computer and the clack of my fingers against the keys... feeling a little guilty that I haven't taken more pictures and documented more moments on our little blog. This blog is slowly being overtaken by my incoherent musings rather than being filled with pictures and stories as I had intended...

Today was full of so many moments, good and bad. I spanked Sunshine and in a moment of complete frustration I yelled at my kids to shut up. I was barfed on and peed on and pooped on by Phoenix, all in the span of five minutes. I locked myself in the bathroom for alone time. I'm pretty sure I said the F word under my breath more than once. I also tickled Sunshine and delighted in her adorable giggle and the way she wrinkles her nose when she's happy. Apollo showed me magic tricks with his little magic set and helped me glue a snowman together made from paper plates. I helped Sunshine make a Santa face from cotton balls and listened to her sing B-I-N-G-O for about twenty minutes straight while we rode around in the car. Phoenix smiled his cute grin at me today and I noticed how his new bottom teeth make him seem so much older. Cameron and I worried about money from all of our medical bills and car repairs and home repairs. I realized that I was coming down with mastitis, tore the house apart looking for my heating pad, only to remember that Edwin ate it last winter when we put it in his little house on a cold night. We bought a toy for a little girl from the giving tree at Cameron's work. Sunshine cried when she saw it and yelled "mine"!

It may not seem this way tomorrow, or even ten minutes from now, but in this moment, my life seems so breathtakingly beautiful. It is perfectly imperfect. My heart is spilling over with gratitude... for all of the second and twelve-hundredth chances I get each day to do better, to learn, to love, to laugh. To become something better than what I am... and though I will likely never be the version of me I fantasize about, with all the worldly accolades or intimidating talents and beauty... I am loved. I am learning. But most importantly, I am grateful.

Have you counted your blessings today? Next to laughter, I can't think of anything more therapeutic.

My "Nose job" (AKA Sinus Surgery)

2011-11-27T11:50:00.000-08:00

I have my grandpa Don's nose. It's not cute and dainty like a lot of the women I always thought were beautiful. I have nice big nostrils and it turns up at the end. It "smiles" with my face by expanding along with my mouth. But I like it now that I am adult. It's me. It's expressive. I think Apollo has my nose too- he rocks it.

Well, wouldn't you know- when I finally learn to like my nose, I end up getting a new one. On Wednesday I got a "nose job"- not the kind celebrities get, but one that removed disease and infection that had likely been raging in my nose for years. I had a septoplasty (straightening of the septum), turbinate reduction (shaving down a few parts of the nasal interior), nasal polyp removal, and every cavity of my sinuses were drained of infection and had stints put it. Gross, huh? According to the doctor, my nose was raging with infection and he removed a ton of polyps (grape-like growths inside the sinuses). I was excited to have my nose restored to a healthy state- but oh boy- I was not prepared for this kind of pain. Apparently having multiple holes drilled into your head is a tough thing to recover from.

If I had known it was going to be this painful, I don't know if I would have done it. My sinus infection that I had before surgery was bad enough that it could have turned into meningitis or a brain infection, which is deadly- but man oh man- this sucks. The first two days after surgery weren't too bad- but the third day I was hit with the worse migraine of my life. I couldn't keep water down (or my pain pills). The stints and splint are the most painful part- they hold my wounds open so that they heal properly, but they are incredibly painful and I can't wait to get them out. Yesterday, I ended up going to the walk-in-clinic so they could inject some pain killers since I couldn't keep anything down. Apparently I was really dehydrated- it took three nurses and one doctor and six different holes in my arm before they found a vein healthy enough to take an IV. The doctor there told me he also needed to have sinus surgery, but refused to get it because "It is too painful of a recovery. I'd rather have recurrent sinus infections" It was comforting to know that it's not just me being a wuss. The anti-nausea and painkiller cocktails are helping, but my brain still feels like it has been coated in wasabi. I can't breathe through my nose or taste anything, and I have to sleep sitting up, which is really uncomfortable. I have had constant nosebleeds, My brain is foggy and I can't remember much of anything- even plot lines on shows I attempt to watch are confusing. When we were at the doctors, I looked over at Cameron and said "I'd much rather be giving birth right now than feeling like this." I've also been typing all kinds of fun things into facebook and emails, totally unsupervised. I'm sure it will be amusing to review when I am off the drugs. Even though it's swollen, Cameron and I noticed that my nose looks strighter and shorter. Maybe I'll not only have a more functional nose, but a cuter one, too? The whites of my eyes are whiter and I noticed that my eyes looks a little different, too- perhaps all of the polyps in the sinuses near my eyes were affecting things. Weird. I am looking forward to how I will feel/look when things aren't so raw and swollen. I've done a lot of reading about sinus disease, and apparently there is a big coorelation between chronic fatigue and sinus issues. Maybe I'll have all kinds of new energy?

I think the one having the toughest time is Phoenix. He came down with croup when I had my surgery, and has had to learn to drink formula from a bottle while I recover. It breaks my heart- he sees me and he wants me to nurse him, but I can't. I will never again take for granted how lucky I am to be able to nurse my babies when they need me. I feel so guilty about all of those times I felt like nusring my baby was a big hassle. I miss holding him and playing with my kids. Apollo and Sunshine are spending the week at Mema's house. Cameron has been waking up all hours of the night to bring me pain meds and feed the baby. I am so blessed with such a great husband.

Amidts all of this, I have been pondering- why did this happen? What am I supposed to learn? So far, I have been reminded of just how blessed I am, with an amazing network of love and support. I also think I will never again take for granted what a blessing it is so have a healthy body- to have a sense of taste and smell, to breathe through my nose, to be able to play with my kids and dance and run and all that jazz. To be free of constant pain.

Oh, and food, How I love being able to taste food. I am going to eat the richest chocolate, the spiciest tacos, and the zestiest fruit when I am all healed up. I miss you, food. I think of you constantly.I watched Willy Wonka and started crying when I worried about weather or not I would ever be able to taste chocolate again. So- if you're out there reading this- go eat something in honor of me. Enjoy your ability to taste! Also, leave a comment about what you ate so that I can at least live vicariously. Thanks.

Please say a prayer that things get easier, less painful, better... and that I can smell and taste and sleep and think again soon. Thanks for listening to me whine- it really is therapeutic.

Eating ice cream with ice in my nose. Hot!

Wishing I could taste food. Cam keeps me well-fed.

Scary things

2011-11-05T01:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, scary things are fun. Like rollercoasters.,,

The timber terror in Silverwood- one my favorites!

...And Halloween! Haunted houses, Ghost stories, scary costumes...

Apollo as Captain Hook- Arrrrrrrg!

Cam as Satan...

Sunshine as... the incredible hulk fairy

And sometimes, scary things aren't so much fun. Like not being able to breathe.

Or finding mysterious growths on your body...

After googling "Quatto" I finally understand why Cam always uses this as a point of reference when he has the baby in the bjorn...

Anyhow, a few weeks ago, I began having episodes where I felt like I couldn't get a deep enough breath. I was sure there was nothing physically wrong with me because I am in denial of the fact that my body is getting old and not capable of all that I like to think it is capable of.

Then, right around the time that Cameron got his vasectomy (Yes- we're done.Yay for male birth control! I may post more about this later) it started to get bad....

I ended up going to the Emergency room where they gave me two nebulizer treatments and a presciption for prednisone and diagnosed me with adult onset asthma. All while poor Cameron took care of three rowdy kids while recovering from his little procedure. Husband of the year!!!!!

Prednisone... wow. It works, but boy does it have some "fun" side effects. Like ravenous hunger, roid rage, insomnia, "fat deposits on stomach and back of neck " (Yes, that is one of the listed side effects), acne, weight gain...

But I could breathe. Mostly. I couldn't run, or walk around too much, or play with my kids... or really do much beyond sitting in bed like a lazy pile of flab while eating constantly thanks to the prednisone side effects, but I could breathe. I began reading what my friend Taylor refers to as "worry porn," googling causes of adult onset asthma, convinced that there had to be some cause. I read about toxic black mold and I called a company about testing for environmental toxins. For a few google-induced panic-attacks, I was convinced I was dying of pulmonary hypertension or pulmonary fibrosis. I set up an air purifier in our house. I took strange supplements.

And then one morning, I woke up and I told Cameron that I thought I had dislocated my nose in my sleep because it felt funny. I asked him if he thought I had punched myself in my sleep. He gave me one of his "You're crazy" looks (I'd been getting lots of those) and said no. Then, while driving the kids around in the car, I popped a stick of gum in my mouth and noticed something strange. There was a giant mass on the roof of my mouth.

At that moment in time, I was pretty sure I was dying. Thankfully I don't have internet access from my phone or I would have been googling things like "mouth cancer." I picked Cameron up from work and drove straight to the Walk-in-clinic. On the drive there, we talked about our life insurance policies. We're dramatic like that.

Anyways... the diagnosis was... drumroll.... a sinus infection. Apparently one bad enough to cause the swelling of my sinus cavities to push my hard palate into my mouth. It was also the likely cause of my asthma. I'm on antibiotics and the lump is slowly getting smaller. We're still trying to figure out exactly what the lump is, and I am hoping to get a sinus x-ray soon... but I'm not dying! There is no toxic mold or mouth cancer! I'm off of my steroids! I can breathe!!!!!

Amidst all of this, I also went to my chiropractor who looked at my x-rays and wants to do an intensive three month treatment to fix some major neck and back problems I have from pregnancy...

I feel old. My back hurts and my body is falling apart. My friends and I get together and talk about our health problems. I fantasize about winning the lotto so I can buy things like Lasik eye surgery, hernia repair, and teeth implants. I won't be too surprised if I start playing Bingo and get a membership to the Eagles club soon.

All of this "scary" stuff reminded me that life is completely out of my control, despite my best attempts to mitigate any potential problems. Sometimes, I get frustrated with myself and my sense of entitlement. How come I only appreciate the good things when I realize I might lose them? How often have I said a prayer thanking God for my awesome ability to breathe when my lungs were feeling great? Zero... FAIL.

So, in an attempt to cultivate some more gratitude-
I am grateful for my health, for a husband who will take care of me and my rambunctious kids when he'd rather be sitting on a bag of frozen peas, for antibiotics and doctos and health insurance, and for friends who listen when I am stressed out.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

2011-10-12T13:32:00.001-07:00

The Heck Run and a dash of cute

2011-10-03T11:35:00.000-07:00

We did it!!! We ran the hell run! We waded through freezing cold rivers and crawled through mud pits and scaled giant walls. It rocked! Next up- half marathon, but my ambition stops there... I'll leave the marathons to people who are crazy enough to compete in competitions where grown men crap their pants.

Cameron was #77 at 31:06.

I was #1,030 at 45:51

Results here: http://premierraces.com/Results2011/hellrunseattleoverall.txt

There were 3500 people in the race, so I was at least in the top third! Yay! And Cameron totally kicked butt as usual... Forrest Gump has nothing on him.

Here we are in our costumes before the race.

We decided to switch roles for the day...

But on to cuter things...

Phoenix is getting so big! As is Sunshine and Apollo.

Phoenix can sit up on his own now. There are still plenty of moments where we yell out "Tiiiiiimberrrrrr" and watch him flop backwards onto a pillow, but he seems to be getting more mobile each day. I'm pretty sure he'll be crawling in the next month or two.

Sunshine... oh sweet, frustrating Sunshine :) She is very much in her terrible twos. She likes to bite her brothers, climb high things and jump off, and her favorite foods seem to be toothpaste and stickers, but despite her best efforts to kill herself I have managed to keep her safe and alive. I love her strong will and relate to her fiery temper. There are moments where I am astounded by her brilliance, and other moments where I wonder what in the world compels her to do things. She is fearless and strong-willed and brilliant and curious- every thing a girl should be. She just started a ballet class. She has always loved dancing so I know she'll have a blast.

And then there is Apollo. He is such a sweet boy. Sometimes I wonder if I expect too much of him- he is so helpful and so smart, I often forget that he is only four years old and needs to be babied sometimes. He is in his second year of preschool and loves it. He's growing up so fast.

Lately I have had some heartfelt moments where I realize just how fleeting and precious these years are... my kids are growing so fast. There are many other moments where I count the days till they are all in school full time. Parenthood is the hardest thing I have ever loved. I feel truly blessed to spend my days surrounded by such amazing sweet spirits. They keep me young and cause plenty of gray hairs simultaneously.

Oregon Coast/Sunshine's birthday...

2011-09-22T19:40:00.000-07:00

I'm excited to finally be updating my blog, if only so I don't have to look at the picture of my sad, very used-looking belly staring back at me whenever I open my blog.

Anyhow, we have been so busy I haven't had time to blog. We took an aweosme vacation down to the Oregon Coast with my family.

My family did what we always do best- we sat around and ate lots of food.

We also flew some kites and built sand castles.

My brother, his wife, and the cutest nephew ever.

Cameron, Apollo and Papa Ed went crabbing (but I don't have those picture. It made for delicious crab bisque though!).

And we threw Sunshine a little birthday party.

And there was plenty of singing and dancing

I love the Oregon Coast. It is so beautiful. I love my family. Although, next time I think we may opt for our own place of dwelling, since I'm pretty sure the kids were driving them crazy :)

We also recently threw Sunshine a birthday party... at Jump Planet. But I also have no pictures because I lost the charger for my camera. On the day of her birthday, we took her to Red Robin and had fun watching them freak her out with their singing and flair:

We also went to fondue for our 6th anniversary at the Melting Pot with some of our favorite friends, Tom and Michele.

We felt so spoiled.

Clearly, I have been neglecting my poor blog since I am trying to fit a vacation, a birthday and an anniversary all into one post. Life is full. I am glad I can at least attempt to record some parts of it on here. Having three kids four and under is very... consuming, leaving little time to reflect on things. At least I try!

Oh vanity

2011-08-30T17:32:00.000-07:00

What do you think this is?

A picture taken by the Hubble telescope of a crater on the surface of Mars
Some sort of sculpture made with flesh-colored crepe paper
Spanish stucco

I really wish it was something like that... but it's not. It's my belly button.

I haven't always had a belly laden with hundreds of stretch marks and flaps of skin that get caught in zippers and pinched between things accidentally. I loved my belly button and I even had a story that went along with how it use to look- I called my belly button my "fairy butt". When I was little, I noticed that inside of my belly button there was something that resembled a small butt. I was convinced that a small fairy-like creature tried to crawl into my stomach and got it's butt stuck. I spent many hours trying to push the "fairy butt" into my stomach to help the poor creature dislodge itself, but all that I was rewarded with was a tender belly button.

There was a time in college when I even allowed someone to take embarrassingly cheesy pictures of me in a shirt that showed off my belly button. I now look at these pictures and cringe, but at least I have something to remember my old belly button by:

That was my best "blue steel". I was so cool or something.

So... how did my belly button go from a fairy's butt to a pit of despair?

Exhibit A:

Pregnant with Apollo

Exhibit B:

Pregnant with Sunshine

Exhibit C:

Pregnant with Phoenix

It's been through a lot in the last five years. I have lots of extra skin and stretched muscles, and I even have diastastis recti and a hernia. So many things going on with my stomach. I guess it makes sense that it would look so... used. Yesterday I was nursing the baby while Apollo watched a movie on the bed with me. He looked over at my stomach and said "Your belly looks so old! It's funny looking!" I set him straight and showed him how cool a belly like mine is. I showed him how I could make the extra skin on my belly into the shape of mouth and make it talk. I could hide things in all of that extra skin. We laughed belly laughs... but a small part of me still wanted to cry. That vain critic in the corner of mind who likes to tell me that I'm not lovable if I'm not physically beautiful started talking.

Well, this is me telling that voice to shut it. There is nothing more beautiful than a mother.

My favorite picture of myself.

I sometimes wonder how much time I've wasted fretting over trivial things that are out of my control- like my belly button. What if I had spent that time doing something constructive, like learning to play guitar? I'd probably be Jimmy freakin Hendrix by now. I guess there is a reason that vanity is one of the seven deadly sins.

I apologize if I totally grossed you out with that first picture. I'm pretty sure my belly button on a billboard could help curb teen pregnancy or something.

Camping adventures!

2011-08-24T12:40:00.000-07:00

We went camping. With a four-year-old, an almost two-year-old and a four month old. And we survived! We joined our old Greenwood ward for their annual campout at the Boundy Farm on Bainbridge Island.

We took a ferry from Seattle:

We showed up at dusk, set up our tent, and ate lots of marshmallows. I woke up in the middle of night covered in pee from Phoenix's leaky diaper. It was gross.

Sunshine practiced being a cheerleader.

The kids went on "horsey rides" and Sunshine hasn't stopped asking for one ever since.

Only Cameron can manage to make a horse look small...

And... we rode on a zip line. This involved crossing a fallen tree over a creek, hiking up a trail of stinging nettles, climbing up the side of a tree onto a tiny platform, and jumping off and flying three football fields worth through the air, then dismounting from a giant ladder. I was scared. Apollo was awesome.

Apollo and Cameron

Cam

We also had fun helping with a service project cleaning up a yard that was covered in blackberry and Ivy.

On our way home, we managed to drive smack through the Seattle "Hemp Fest." We saw the Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo, lots of dread locks and smelled all kinds of, ahem, interesting smells. Everyone seemed very "happy".

I'd say it was a success for our first time camping as a family of five- other than the waking up in the cold night covered in pee part. I love summer!

The Refiner's Fire

2011-08-04T16:11:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago my mom came over and we spent some time working on flowers for my cousin Brooke's wedding. The flowers were gorgeous- red and white roses with white Hydrangea. The wedding was just as gorgeous, in a beautiful downtown Catholic church with the reception at the Fischer Pavilion near the Space Needle in Seattle. And the bride and the groom? Stunning. A handsome college football player marrying one of the most gorgeous brides I have ever seen.

And then.. tragic news. My heart hurts. It's just so unfair.

Last week, I also learned about the death of one of my friend's children. He was five months old and as adorable as babies come. His mom was my best friend in fifth grade and one of the kindest people I have ever known. When I heard about the death, I ran to Phoenix's crib and held him and didn't put him down for a few hours, even though he was sleeping and I had a million chores to do. Mothers should never have to bury their babies.

Forgive me, for a moment, while I talk religion. I know it's right up there with politics and bathroom humor when it comes to things to avoid in polite conversation, but I'm learning that there are worse things than bad manners. Like never having the courage to speak your mind. Sometimes, I have a hard time understanding why God lets bad things happen to good people. What would the world be like without death and tragedy? Why do innocent people suffer? Why do babies die and horrible people live to be old men? It just doesn't seem fair.

Trying to understand God seems like a futile undertaking sometimes. It's like an ant trying to understand astrophysics. Who am I to think I could even begin to fathom the ways of God, and what's the point in trying? But when I imagine losing a loved one, or see people facing trials that I could scarcely comprehend, I am thankful that as human beings, we try.

A little background on my religious perspective: I believe that we are spiritual creations. Just as, following the laws of physics, energy is never lost but only dissipates or changes form, I also believe we have souls that are not lost with death. I believe that we are here to learn and, that as God's children, learning means experiencing pain and trials. I believe in a Heavenly Father and Mother that want us to emulate them, so that we may someday be like them (a very audacious thought to some people, but I have a hard time imagining a God that merely created us to worship him for eternity. It just seems a little narcissistic). I believe that families are eternal. I marvel at science, at life, at the vastness of the universe. I marvel that I was granted this small piece of matter, my body, which I have complete control over in this life. I hope that I can learn to use it to do the will of God, to bring hope and love and charity. Sometimes, this body just wants to eat chocolate and watch reality TV from the couch. Seems pretty far off the mark.

But, I digress. The question I have been pondering lately is why a loving God allows life to be so wretchedly unfair. I still haven't figured it out yet, but I'm the the ant trying to figure out astrophysics here and don't expect to ever understand it. I do believe that we are given trials so that we can learn, and that without unhappiness we could never truly have happiness either. A few scriptures I came across:

D&C 29:39
And it must needs be that the ^adevil should ^btempt the children of men, or they could not be ^cagents unto themselves; for if they never should have ^dbitter they could not know the sweet

D&C 122:7-8

7And if thou shouldst be cast into the ^apit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the ^bdeep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to ^chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of ^dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee^eexperience, and shall be for thy good.

8The ^aSon of Man hath ^bdescended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

A quote from this talk:
"Here then is a great truth. In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life, we pass through a refiner’s fire, and the insignificant and the unimportant in our lives can melt away like dross and make our faith bright, intact, and strong. In this way the divine image can be mirrored from the soul. It is part of the purging toll exacted of some to become acquainted with God. In the agonies of life, we seem to listen better to the faint, godly whisperings of the Divine Shepherd."

Another section of scripture I have been pondering is Job. Oh man, he puts all of my complaining to shame. If my whole family had died and I was covered head to toe in boils, you can bet your butt I probably wouldn't be singing the praises of god.

Right now, I am training for the Hell Run. It pretty much sucks. My body hurts. My lungs sting and my joints ache and I feel like puking after running a pathetic three miles. But you know what? I know when I cross that finish line I'll experience a joy that can only follow a lot of pain and hard work. And I'm thankful. All I know for sure is that those moments of bliss are magnified by those trials I've faced.

Please keep my cousin and my friend in your prayers, and forgive me for waxing religious. Just trying to imagine what they are going through is difficult and I haven't been able to stop thinking about them. I hope they find some peace and hope in these trying times. I wish there was something I could do to help.

In closing, I'll include a few words from my favorite religious philosopher- Jim Gaffigan.

Remlinger Farms

2011-08-04T00:26:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, we took a little jaunt out to Remlinger Farms along with our super awesome neighbors/friends. It was awesome! I spent most of the time there fantasizing about how someday Cam and I will own our own farm. We'll refer to each other as "Pa" and "Ma" and spend the hot days on the covered porch in our rocking chairs, sipping on freshly squeezed lemonade. We're already halfway there with the chickens and pig. It could happen.

It was a blast, Sunshine and Apollo rode on all kinds of rides and even got to ride on ponies. Sunshine gave the stink eye the entire time but promptly asked for "more" and refused to get off the horse which means she loved it. She also scowls the entire time she is on our swing, but it's her favorite thing to do. She's such a goofball.

We also took a train ride around the farm, bought freshly picked berries, and soaked up the beautiful sun. It was such a blast! I'm so glad we used a Saturday to do something fun instead of working on chores and house projects. And THANK GOODNESS summer finally decided to get here- I am so over the cloudy rainy stuff.

Sunshine helped herself to an apple at the store when I was looking the other way.

It was fun!

We also have new playhouse in the backyard. It took some maneuvering to move this beast, but it was worth it. It's awesome. Thanks goodness for strong guys, big trucks, and friends willing to sacrifice their weekend to help move heavy stuff.

Becoming a morning person

2011-07-31T02:08:00.001-07:00

Every single person in my house is a "morning person." Everyone except me.

The night is my friend. I love the way layers of quiet slowly fall over the house. Sniffing my kids' hair after bath time, reading them books and hearing their prayers and reflections about the day. There's the low hum of my refrigerator, and the amazing rush that I get when I realize that I can do something without children constantly interrupting me. And best of all, there's snuggling with Cameron under the blankets and our late-night card games/movie watching/talking. The night seems so full of promise and possibility.

The morning? Not so much fun. I hate having to leave my warm bed and feeling the cold floor beneath my feet. Cameron is usually gone when I wake up, which makes the weight of being the solo parent hang heavy in the air while I wait for toast to pop up out of the toaster and listen to the kids fight over who gets to turn on the TV. I think of all of the chores and errands that I need to accomplish for the day which makes me want to run back to bed and pull the covers over my head. But... lately, the mornings are starting to grow on me. Mainly because of this:

The first thing I see when I open my eyes in the morning is this sweet face. Phoenix sleeps in our bed. In the morning he usually nurses while I sleep, and then he starts cooing at me and wiggling. When I open my eyes to look at him, he smiles a big gummy smile and gets excited. It's hard not to smile back. Despite my best efforts to wake up grumpy, I fail. How could anyone resist this? I'm in love.

I want to eat those sweet cheeks.

Highlights

2011-07-19T08:30:00.000-07:00

I promise I have every intention of continuing to blog. Time is a precious commodity that I always seem to be short on lately- that, and sleep. I don't know how anyone gets anything done with three or more kids around. There is never a dull moment, to my chagrin.

We had an awesome Independence day in out little cul-de-sac. I'm pretty sure it's becoming my favorite holiday now that we live where fireworks are legal.

This picture cracks me up. Apollo had soda for the first time in his life, and I'm pretty sure he was on the biggest sugar high ever.

It was AWESOME :)

Phoenix also received his baby blessing. He cried the entire time. What stood out to me about his blessing was that he was blessed with a kind and charitable heart and the gift of discernment. Here he is in his best church onesie. Man alive I love this kid!

Also, Cameron built Sunshine's closet insert using only his bare hands, power tools and man brains.

And I'v e been up to no good again with my turquoise spray paint and some chairs I rescued from the side of the road.

Toodles for now!

Yin, yang and the death of the chore nazi

2011-07-01T16:31:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen the yin yang symbol? It was all the rage when I was in middle school- I remember seeing it on T-shirts and necklaces at the dollar store. I'm pretty sure I scribbled it in a few notebooks, not really knowing what it represented.

Thanks to Wikipedia, I have since learned that in Asian philosophy, yin yang is used to describe how polar opposites or seemingly contrary forces are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world, and how they give rise to each other in turn. Yin yang are complementary opposites that interact within a greater whole, as part of a dynamic system.

It's easy to see how this translates to my life. One moment, my children are laughing and playing like angels, and the next they are behaving like the devil's spawn. The way a freshly mopped floor inevitably attracts a muddy shoe. Probably the greatest manifestation of yin and yang in my life is in my relationship with Cameron. He's the ham. I'm the shy person. He's the athlete. I'm the klutz. Normally these opposing qualities somehow compliment each other- it creates a nice balance to things. However, when it comes to how we parent, I have to admit I resent it.

I'm all business and he's all play. And it kind of makes me jealous.

I can't quite pull myself away from the chores and dinner that needs making and laundry that needs folding. Not that I enjoy chores, but with three young ones it doesn't take long before a small pile of laundry or a few dishes morph into a tower of despair that feels insurmountable. So, I do my best to keep up with it. And Cameron? He plays with the kids until they come in coated in dirt and smelling like sunblock and grass stains. He knows I need a break at the end of the day and he's a kid at heart- Win/win, right? not always.

Don't get me wrong, I love Cameron and I love the fact that my kids start giggling uncontrollably when he walks through the door. The fact that he has a job means he gets to be the cool, elusive parent whose presence coincides with playtime and the weekend. I love that my kids get to spend most of the evening playing outside with daddy. Doing dishes, making dinner, stocking the groceries, nursing a grumpy baby in the middle of the night, enforcing the rules- it's not particularly fun. Somebody has to do it, and as the parent who stays home full-time (and the only one who can lactate) I know that the majority of the responsibility falls on my shoulders, but every once in a while I want to be the rockstar in the eyes of my children. They don't really notice that their clothes are washed and folded in their drawers or that they get three meals a day, But they do notice how awesome things are when dad is around. I want to walk through the door and be bombarded with kisses and shrill laughter, darn it! It's not fair!

On the flip side, I know Cameron gets jealous that I get to spend all day with the kids, that the baby likes me best because I am his source of milk, and that he wishes he could be outside on these beautiful sunny days. When I think about it, I know I win when it comes to who has the coolest job.

I'm learning. Lately we've been eating things like cereal and vegetarian corn dogs for dinner. I have more dirt under my nails and freckles on my nose. There has been more laughter and more messes and even a fruit fly infestation from all of the dishes that sit in the sink for far too long. It was kind of gross. But, it is pretty thrilling to just... let things go and enjoy the moment. I'm thankful for Cameron and how much fun he is. I'd probably be a cross-looking librarian without him around, just like in "It's a Wonderful Life." There is something about sharing your life with someone that makes you... better. You learn to be flexible and forgiving and you also learn that maybe your way isn't always the best. I'm sure I'll revert back to the serious chore-nazi soon, but while the sun is out, I am grateful for the chance to be a happy slob. Just don't come over unannounced :)

Do you ever get jealous?

And some fun pics and videos:

Phoenix does a lot of this

Sunshine is teething, hence the binky, the awesome expression and the drool rash on her chin.

Phoenix also does a lot of this.

Cutie pies

Can I just point out how miniscule the size difference is between my ten-week-old and my 1 1/2-year-old? He's definitely got daddy's hugeness.

Ten years and some pearls of wisdom

2011-06-13T23:09:00.000-07:00

My senior pictures

Saturday was my ten year high school reunion. TEN. YEARS. A decade. I didn't attend the reunion, but dang if it didn't make me do some reflecting.

In so many ways it feels like just yesterday I was giggling with my friends, painfully shy and too afraid to even look at the guy I had a crush on (let alone talk to him). I was awkward and hopeful and a little bit arrogant in what I thought I knew. I was totally a teenager.

Yes, it seems like just yesterday... but in many other ways, those days seem like an eternity ago! I still feel young, but parts of me feel very, very old. I have crammed a WHOLE LOT into the last ten years. I earned my bachelors degree, lived in seven different cities, got hitched, five pregnancies, had three kids, more jobs than I can count, bought, gutted and remodeled a house... It's been BUSY.

I wish I could go back in time and speak to my awkward, cocky 18-year-old self. She was kind of... dumb? No, not dumb. Just inexperienced.

Off the top of my head, here are some of the things I would say to 18-year-old Rory. I'm no Maya Angelou, but it may have helped:

Keep laughing
Your still perfecting your ability to laugh at yourself. Keep it up. There's so much good material ahead of you. Life is hilarious.

You'll learn to be more bold. You can do hard things:
I know you are painfully shy and totally awkward around people.You'll get better. Don't doubt yourself so much. You can do hard, scary things. If you aren't scared, you probably aren't pushing yourself.

You'll learn how to dance. Yes, knock-kneed you will actually dance! You'll even join a swing dancing club.

You'll be the only sober performer at multiple karaoke bars. You're a rock star.

You'll have a summer job for three years straight where you wear a kevlar vest and carry around handcuffs, an asp and pepper spray. You'll work the night shift sometimes- alone. In a city park. You'll be scared. You'll be the only woman surrounded by a bunch of macho guys on high-protein diets. It will be very smelly and annoying and make you grateful that you are a feminist. You'll tackle full-grown men. You'll break up fights. You'll stop an armed robbery. You'll tackle and cuff a nude sex offender. See? You're a total bad (_I_)!

You'll finish college in four years, despite transferring schools and changing majors. You'll go to class on zero sleep from working the night shift. You'll get pretty decent grades despite your inability to begin writing a paper until the day before it is due.

You'll learn how to exercise on the non-girly equipment at the gym (the ellipticals are for pansies). You'll use free weights and the squat bar. You'll sweat a lot. You'll be able to ask people "which way to the gun show?"

You'll make the first move on the guy you have a crush on. Yes- not only will you be able to actually talk to a guy you think is cute, you'll even ask him out. You'll end up marrying him :) He's hot.

You'll give birth. To big babies with giant heads. Your epidurals won't always work. You'll run on no sleep for months at a time. Despite all of the sleeplessness and pain, it will be the best experience of your life.

See? You'll do all kinds of bold, scary/awesome things. And you'll survive!

Everyone has a story, and everyone deserves to be heard. Listen.
You know that summer job I was telling you about? While working there, you'll use smelling salts to revive a meth addict and realize that the man with five teeth and track marks up his arm is your best friend from childhood and the first boy you ever kissed. You'll remember his blue eyes and his little boy face and wonder how many people you have overlooked. You'll cry.

Offer to help the lady with the crying baby and screaming toddler at the grocery store. Don't judge her for her stained sweatshirt and unkempt hair and grumpy children. You'll be in her shoes soon enough. Oh, and hold the door open for her, especially if she is pushing one of those stupid gigantic car shopping carts or a double stroller.

Try to love those people who are difficult to love .They need it the most. Smelly people, old people, grumpy people, angry people. They just need someone to be nice to them. Be nice.

You will survive your first heartbreak. Don't be a drama queen:
Please, don't pen all of that melodramatic, poorly-written poetry. It's embarrassing. Don't spend all of that time listening to sappy, sad songs and crying in your car over a pint of Ben & Jerry's. There's someone WAY better for you just around the corner. Be patient.

I repeat, be patient.

Bangs are a bad idea. Always.
ALWAYS.

Don't fall for the hype:
You know that thing you think you need that will solve all of your problems? It won't. It will lose its luster. It will end up broken and drooled on by children. It will be used as a prop or as a cleaning rag or thrown into the garbage. If it's a piece of technology, it will be obsolete in two years and you won't even be able to donate it to Goodwill.

You know that home you see in magazines, with the perfect decor and the spotless windows and the model children? That isn't a happy home. It's a home where the mother has been cleaning all day and nagging the kids and cursing under her breath. A happy home is messy and smells like crayons and peanut butter and has toys on the floor and too many pictures and art projects pinned to the refrigerator.

Fall in love with yourself before you fall in love with anyone else:
You'll find love when you stop looking for it. When you realize that another person isn't going to complete you, you'll finally be ready. Enjoy those years you have where you get to discover who you are without distraction. Be patient. Soon enough, your plate will be so full of work and children and responsibility, you may long for that alone time.

Love the questions:

I'll leave it to someone more eloquent to sum up:

“…I would like to beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is to live everything.Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

-Rilke

Learn how to balance a check book and budget:

It's not pretty when you bounce seven checks in a row, especially when the checks are for amounts of $5 and less. You always got A's in math- now put those math skills to work! Be meticulous. overdraft fees suck.

Start budgeting. You don't need all of those clothes and purses and makeup. Contribute to your 401K. Don't roll your eyes at me, these are pearls of wisdom here!

Tell me dear readers, what pearls of wisdom would you give your 18-year-old self?

See a resemblance?

2011-06-04T09:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when I look at Phoenix, it takes me back to my first few months of parenting Apollo, my first born. Holy cow I was a mess! My friend once described becoming a parent as "baptism by fire" which sums it up perfectly from my experience. When Apollo would cry despite my attempts at consoling him, my anxiety and doubts about my parenting abilities bubbled over. When Phoenix cries, I know he'll survive. Heck, I've even let him cry for a few minutes while I shower or brush my teeth, if it comes to that. With Apollo, that never happened. I'm glad I'm getting better and more relaxed at this whole parenting thing. There are still times where I want to throw myself on my bed and cry the "ugly cry" while rocking back and forth, but those moments are fewer and further apart.

Anyways... one reason I have been reflecting on when Apollo was a newborn is because Phoenix and him look A LOT alike. It looks like Cameron has successfully cloned himself yet again :)

Baby Apollo

Baby Phoenix

The main difference I have noticed is that Phoenix has more fat rolls and he's slightly bigger. My kids are kind of like great danes- HUGE. I really hope they don't end up with Cameron's height and my coordination or they will be doomed.

Has anyone else out there had kids that looked almost identical? Or is there someone in your family that you have a strong resemblance to? For me, it's my Grandpa Don. I always tell Cameron that he can just put a blonde wig on my Grandpa if he wants to know what I will look like when I am old.

Happy weekending!!!

I Heart Three Day Weekends

2011-05-31T20:19:00.000-07:00

I love living on a cul-de-sac. We spent our long weekend riding around on bikes. Cameron wore his red, white and blue suspenders for Memorial Day and looked like a lumberjack while he gave all of the neighborhood kids a ride on the roller-coaster contraption he put together. He's such a nerd. I'm pretty sure he had more fun than the kids did.

I used the weekend to spray paint things. It's what I do.

The "before" is on the left. The new seat covers are vinyl- cloth chairs just won't do with three little sticky fingered kids. I should have four of the six dining chairs done tonight, if I have time to go to Lowes and get new staples for my staple gun.

Apollo also learned how to ride a bike without training wheels! My boy is getting so big. He's a pro now- he had just started when we took this video.

And some more pictures from the weekend:

Phoenix has started smiling when we talk to him. He's such a sweetie.

Oh I love him.

Body paint with yogurt.

Found her sleeping in this pose.

Phoenix is 5 1/2 weeks and weighs 14 pounds.

He wears 6-9 month size onesies. Holy huge!

Her favorite thing to do with her toy stroller.

We let Apollo's butterflies go. It was bittersweet.

I have also burnt a few dinners while being sucked into the fabulous world of Pinterest. Where have you been all of my life!? It is such an awesome tool. Here are my boards: http://pinterest.com/roryg/

Does anyone else have a board I haven't discovered yet?

Toodles!

Learning to Juggle

2011-05-21T20:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my sweet baby boy turned one month old.

It's been an interesting month. Life with three kids is a little like visiting the petting Zoo at Woodland Park. One moment you are merrily prancing about in the sunshine and stooping to pet a cute baby lamb, then the next minute you're trying to scrape cow poop off of your shoes with a piece of beauty bark while a goat attempts to eat your skirt. It is an experience riddled with moments of sheer exhileration and complete despair, with some bouts of insanity sprinkled here and there.

For example, last week, in the span of 12 hours I had the luxury of holding Sunshine's poop in my hand (she proudly handed it to me after pooping on her potty chair), cleaning up Apollo's barf from my freshly dry-cleaned comforter, and getting pooped on by one of Phoenix's explosive diapers. It was a day full of tantrums and sick, whining children and mountains of laundry and piles of dirty dishes. I remember throwing myself onto my pillow that night and telling Cameron between sobs that he needed to get a vasectomy as soon as possible because I was so DONE with having kids.

There are so many things that I miss about life before having children. I miss hearing those noises that you only notice when the house is still and quiet, like the hum of the refrigerator. I miss reading books for hours at a time, eating my dessert without having grubby little hands stealing bites, and just being able to get out of the car without having to unbuckle three different car seats and carrying three heavy wiggly kids across the busy parking lot. I miss the days when my stomach didn't resemble spanish stucco and my belly button didn't look like it was frowning at me. I miss feeling like my body was my own instead of a milk factory/jungle gym/ tissue with legs. I miss the cerebral stimulation of working full time and interacting with adults on a daily basis. I miss the freedom that I had and probably never appreciated before I had kids. Life before children seemed so buoyant with possibilities rather than heavy with responsibility. There have been times where I feel as if I've lost some part of myself in this whole experience. But that's the selfish part of me talking.

Despite all of those things that I miss, I wouldn't trade this whole motherhood experience for the world. When I fell in love with Cameron, I hoped that it would be the last time I ever fell in love, because that would mean he was the love of my lifetime. Now I know that the beauty of having children with him means that we both get to fall in love all over again, together. We're head over heels for Apollo, Sunshine and Phoenix. They teach us so much and have opened our eyes to what an amazing world it is. My favorite moments I've experienced in this life revolve around them.

My favorite part of being a mom? How HILARIOUS it is. Kids are funny! Bathroom humor? Check. Brutal honesty? Check. Bringing to light the irony in life? Check. Parenthood has it all! Watching Cameron and I fumbling at this whole parenthood thing is a riot- seriously. I can't tell you how many nights Cameron and I have spent laughing ourselves to sleep as we relive the events of the day.

I am so blessed. There are no words... I'm learning. Three kids is a challenge. As I mother my children, I daily confront my greatest flaws and weaknesses. I've never felt more humbled. I've also never been more aware of how blessed I am.

And I'll end this post with some quotes from some of the funniest people I know:

Sunshine's first joke (after hearing Apollo tell it a million times):

Sunny: "Knock knock"

Me: "Whose there?"

Sunny: "House."

Me: "House who?"

Sunny: "She's fine." *fake laughter*

Apollo: " Mommy, I wish that I could marry you, but I can't because Daddy already married you."

Sunshine: *giant fart* "hahahahhaha! Toots!!!!"

Our ridiculous weekend...

2011-05-11T14:30:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, Cameron and I ventured on our first (and probably last, for a while) road trip over to see my family in Spokane. None of my family had come to meet Phoenix yet and it was also my nephew Zander's second birthday, so we thought "Hey, how hard could a road trip with three kids four and under be?" Hard. Very very hard.

I had promised to make Zander's cake, and spent Friday baking and packing. Despite my best efforts at getting everything done in a timely manner, we ended up leaving the house around 10 p.m. The kids slept most of the way, but around 1:30 a.m. Cameron and I started to get REALLY tired, to the point that our eyes starting playing tricks on us and we kept seeing things down the road or out of the corner of our eyes. At one point I thought I saw a group of bicyclists on the freeway, but it turned out to be a reflection on the road and construction equipment. We will NEVER attempt to drive over with such a late start again- it was torture. We got in at 2:45.

The kids woke us up bright and early the next morning and we went to work getting Zander's cake assembled. My dad, the man whom I was sure owned every kitchen tool and appliance known to man, did not have a rolling pin so rolling out the fondant was a little challenging (a bottle of wine did the trick) and we managed to get it done just in the nick of time. I had big plans to make it two tiered, but those plans got nixed pretty quickly. I now have a small cake in my freezer and extra fondant. Anyone have a birthday coming up?
I'm just glad we got it done at all.

My brother Tyler and Zander. I think he liked it.

The kids had a blast playing with their cousin and exploring all of the fun toys.

The awesome hammock.

Jim Gaffigan on hammocks: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQMlnVd9CTA

The swing. Sunshine LOVED it.

Great grandparents and Papa Scooter.

Phoenix snuggling Uncle Ty Ty.

Zander and his admirers.

The party was lots of fun.

We ended the day in the emergency room.

Nope, not because of this injury, but I had to throw the picture on here. Way to go Grandma Jo! :)

We went to my dad's house for dinner with the family. It was a big group of people, with six kids ages four and under and seven adults. Cameron and I were in the dining room when we heard Apollo screaming from the living room. According to those who witnessed it, he fell off of a small foot rest and hit his nose on the edge of a larger, harder foot rest/storage ottoman. We knew his nose was broken right away and loaded him into the car to head to the E.R.

These were taken that night after some of the swelling had gone down.

Thankfully, Apollo LOVES going to the doctor's, so this was mostly an exciting experience for him. On the car ride to the hospital, I looked back at him and his nose was so swollen he looked like an entirely different child. I broke into tears but tried to not let him see me crying so that he wouldn't be afraid. I HATE seeing my kids hurt. It's such an awful feeling.

After making sure he didn't have a concussion, The doctor took an X-ray of his nose, which showed that he hadn't fracture the top part of his nose, which is bone, and most of the damage was to the cartilage. They said there wasn't much else that could be done other than icing it and waiting. The doctor said they couldn't tell the extent of damage to his nose until after the swelling goes down so I should take him in to his doctor in about a week. His appointment is tomorrow. Hopefully he doesn't have a deviated septum or anything (although if he ever gets a nose job, he'll have that deviated septum excuse all of the celebrities like to use).

The next day, I got to have brunch with Tammy and her family and I even got to see my mom for a bit on Mother's day. The weekend ended with us spending most of the day in the car with the tired/crabby kids. I've never been more happy to be home!

I'm looking forward to a weekend that is not quite so eventful and exhausting. So far this week seems to be going the same route as our weekend: I came down with mastits, and Apollo has developed a barky cough.

My facebook status from today:
The price I paid for a few minutes of quiet: one unrolled roll of toilet paper spanning the entire house, a spilled glass of orange juice, the butter being eaten out of the butter dish, and sandwich meat being stuck to the sliding glass door. Thanks kids!

More pictures from the last few days:

At least there is never a dull moment around here! I'd rather be overwhelmed than bored.

...and then there were five.

2011-04-30T21:49:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it has already been ten days since Phoenix joined our family. The time has flown by too fast (and the end of Cameron's time off from work is looming on the horizon). Can I just say that I have fallen in love? I love the way he snorts and grunts and coos and snuggles on my chest. I love his sweet chubby cheeks and the fat bracelets on his little arms. I love the way he curls his little frog legs into his body as I swaddle him. I can't believe my kids were ever this small, and I am all too aware of how quickly time will fly by and soon he'll be jumping on the couch and arguing with me about cleaning up his toys.

So far, what I have discovered about Phoenix is that he is content as long as he is being fed or held or bounced. He pretty much wants to eat every hour round the clock. When I took him to his one week check up, the doctor was amazed he hadn't lost any weight. He also loves being talked to. When you hold him up and talk to him he gets excited and starts flailing his arms and breathing really fast. It's super cute.

Sunshine is obsessed with trying to hold him and kiss him- so far she hasn't expressed any jealousy. When he cries, she'll bring me a binky or a nursing pillow or one of her toys to try to comfort him. She's such a little mommy. She doesn't really know how to be gentle so I have to be extra vigilant. It's hard not being able to put him down in his car seat or swing anywhere since I know Sunshine will try to pick him up. I guess I'll have to carry him around in the baby carrier as long as she's around.

Apollo is such a good little helper. He loves holding Phoenix and asks me all kinds of questions about babies. He is fascinated by his umbilical stump and the fact that Phoenix was in my tummy not too long ago. He also gets really grossed out by how often Phoenix spits up. "Mom, why does he barf so much?" Whenever I nurse Phoenix, Apollo asks me which one makes chocolate milk and which on makes regular milk. I guess Cameron likes to tell tall tales when I'm not around :)

It is hard being outnumbered by children. I am scared to be alone for over eight hours with three crazy kids in my care. I guess I'll figure out how to juggle it all. If you come to my door some afternoon to find a woman covered in spit up with uncombed hair, a screaming baby, and two kids still in their jammies tearing the house apart, please don't judge me. Bring chocolate.

Also, Cameron worked his magic yet again... and built a closet insert to house all of Apollo and Phoenix's toys/clothes. It was a challenge because Apollo's closet is the only access to our attic, so he had to figure out a way to build something that would still allow us to access it. He used his creative genius to incorporate a ladder to the attic into the closet. When the shelves are removed, the supports that hold up the shelves become ladder rungs. Apollo has the smallest closet in the house, but the most stuff. Now it looks awesome and I am SO happy that I have more storage for all of the toys! I am so glad that I can put the puzzles/legos/ other choking hazards that are pain to clean up on the high shelves. I also love how handy Cameron is :) Its hot.

Before

What a mess! Looking at this gives me hives.

After:

See the ladder?

Hooray for functional storage!

And here are some more cute pictures from the last few days for your viewing pleasure:

Happy Birthday, Phoenix :)

2011-04-20T20:25:00.000-07:00

This morning at 11:11 AM, we welcomed our new boy into our family--Phoenix Tyler Robert Graves.

Here is today's story as told by Daddy:
After a restless night's sleep, your mom woke me up and said she'd like to go walk around the neighborhood to get the increasing number of contractions to be more consistent. It didn't take long to decide that we should just pack up and head South.

We fed the chickens and Edwin the pig, packed our few remaining necessities, and were out the door. We figured a walk around the Northgate Mall area would help get things going, but we didn't even get that far. A pit stop to get some Starbucks hot chocolate was the only pause we had on the way to Northwest Hospital. We learned that things really do move considerably faster the more kids you've already had!

Dr. Blackham was quick on his feet, and met us at the sign-in desk before we'd even made it to the room! Some doctors are just that good!

(after the birth, Dr. Blackham strums his stuff)

The nurse (Marissa), helped mom get all of her arm and wrist hardware attached before letting us roam the halls in the flashy hospital gown. Shortly after, our new nurse Becky showed up--she was amazing! And soon after that, Dr. Blackham came back after his brief first visit and went in to break the water. You were wrapped in the usual fortified material that your brother and sister came in. Once this was done, things began moving in the direction that most (all?) look forward to--the end of labor!

With Rachel Gross and Justice Walters standing by helping, 11:11 quickly rolled around and you took your first breaths of fresh hospital air! And just to let us know you were a boy (as if we couldn't tell...) you came out peeing all over everything ... mostly Dr. Blackham :)

Your face was very red, and the rest of you was pretty purple looking. Your hair even looked red... and since Phoenix also means "dark red", we knew we'd picked correctly. You weighed 8 lbs. 12 oz., were 20.5 inches long, and had a head circumference of 15 inches! It was just as amazing meeting you as it was your brother and sister. Your mom and I both cried tears of joy as we got to look into the eyes of our new little man for the first time ever. You came out perfect and you will always be precious to us. We love you so darn much. Happy Birthday, Phoenix!

(And here's what happens when the rest of our rugrats show up...)

Taming the Neurotic Beast Within

2011-04-09T12:27:00.000-07:00

Lately my nesting instincts have been kicking in... I want to clean, I want to organize, I want to build things.... but I barely have the energy to roll my pregnant butt out of bed. Toys littler the floor and my back and knees are too sore to pick them up.

Here are the projects I have been lusting over:

I want to make a Laundry basket dresser for organizing our laundry in the garage: http://ana-white.com/2010/11/laundry-basket-dresser

I also want to build a closet insert for Apollo's closet to house all of his ( and the pending baby's) toys/clothes:
http://ana-white.com/2011/03/closet-organized

My mind likes to plan all kinds of projects, but my body just can't accomplish them. It doesn't help that I have two kids who need my constant attention and love. Usually, at the end of the day, I am lucky if I've managed to make dinner and do the dishes. Sometimes, I just have to accept that I won't have a very organized, nice house or well-maintained yard until the kids are a little older. But the impatient part of me WANTS IT NOW.

Cam and I recently decided to map out our projects on a spreadsheet in excel. We stopped at 44 realizing that we were feeling overwhelmed. I don't have the spreadsheet on my laptop, but here is part of the email I sent him with my project suggestions:

- Paint baby’s dresser and Lamps (halfway finished with this project)

- Finish Zander’s theater before we see Tammy and Tyler in a few weeks

- Aerate lawn and plant grass seed

- Clean moss off of roof

- Have trees trimmed (this is kind of money dependent, but Rachel gave me a good referral for a cheap guy)

- Paint dresser for our room and organize our clothes into it

- Wash and organize baby clothes into red painted dresser before I give birth so we are ready

- Empty garage out completely and put everything back in an organized manner- make Keep, sell and donate piles.

- Get rid of broken fridge

- Get bike hooks for all of the bikes/trikes and install them

- Have a garage sale

- Build closet insert in Apollo’s room to help organize his toys and make space for baby brother’s stuff

- Build closet insert into our room

- Build closet insert into Sunshine’s room

- Paint the doors and hang them in the house (FINALLY!). Also paint the dining table and that sideboard that the microwave is on while we have the sprayer out.

- recover dining chairs with vinyl so they can be wiped clean

- Hang up our new front door and get new door hardware for it

- Paint the bathroom ceiling and trim so it doesn’t look like crap

- Finish hemming and hanging all of the curtains

- Stain and varnish my desk in the living room

- Build mini barn where tool shed is

- Plant some seeds/do some weeding, edging and pruning in our yard (especially those rhododendron trees)

- Build a compost bin (and get rid of the ones that just sit and rot by the chicken coop

- seal that seam between the floor and the cabinets in the kitchen under the cabinets with something so water doesn’t damage the laminate.

- Caulk that crappy looking seam between the drop-ceiling and the kitchen cabinets.

- Paint and caulk baseboards

- Put that insulation that needs to go under the house back in

- Unclog our heater vent

- Have chimney sweeped and floo repaired (call Larry from our old ward at Andy’s suggestion)

- replace our electrical panel

- Paint mural for Apollo’s room

- Paint an accent wall in the living room so it isn’t so brown

- Build a tufted headboard for our bedroom

- Build and paint a bed for Sunshine from our old door that we’ll have when we replace the front door with the new one

- Get new sand for the sand box and build a rain cover for it

- Build the kids a playground (this is kind of money dependent too, but it would be awesome)

- Replace rotten fencing in our yard

- Build raised beds for vegetables and plant fruit trees where we take out our old overgrown rhododendron bushes.

- Put a green house in so we can grow year round produce

- Remodel the kitchen (you build the cabinets and we can make concrete countertops- I read about how to build molds for the countertops)

- Rent concrete truck and pour new concrete for our walkways and driveway

Yikes- at this pace we might have of these things done before my 90th birthday. Sometimes, both Cameron and I are so focused on trying to create a home that works for our family that we forget to just live and enjoy our time together. I actually asked him if he could build the closet insert for me during the two weeks he has off of work after I have the baby. Yep. I'm nuts. What's wrong with me? We should just have to worry about sniffing sweet baby's breath and playing with the kids, not building things. But I just can't seem to tame the beast that wants to use every free moment to accomplish something- to organize and simplify so I don't feel so overwhelmed by all of the kids and their stuff.

I sometimes have to remind myself just how far we have come. Here is a video of our house before we moved in. Holy Barf it was ugly!!! It's amazing what a difference new paint, new floors, and removing the popcorn ceilings made, along with a million little things we replaced. We did almost everything ourselves and I was pregnant/had newborn Sunshine during this whole process. (I apologize for the obnoxious gum smacking I do in this video)

Part of me feels like its a form of ingratitude to be so focused on what else we need to do or want rather than living in the moment and remembering to smell the roses and play with the kids and take a day off and actually use a vacation day for vacation.

Am I just neurotic or does anyone else have this same problem? How do you remind yourself to live in the moment and appreciate what you have right now instead of fixating on what you want to accomplish?

Apollo's party and some other fun stuff

2011-04-03T23:19:00.000-07:00

Last week, we had a giant superhero birthday bash for Apollo. It was awesome to have family come from out of town for the big party and see how excited Apollo was. It was lots of work- we had to move our giant couch out to the garage so we could set up tables to fit everyone- but it was so fun. All of the kids dressed up as their favorite superhero (or princess).

Cameron and I attempted our first marshmallow fondant cake and it turned out pretty darn good. Neither one of us are very skilled in the culinary department, but thanks to the blogging world, we figured out how to make the kind of cake we envisioned. The look on Apollo's face when we brought it out made all of the effort worth it, but I don't know if I will attempt a four-tier fondant cake any time soon again.

Links to the blog that taught us all we know about cake-making:

http://www.makeit-loveit.com/2010/05/baking-stacking-and-icing.html

http://www.makeit-loveit.com/2010/05/make-cake-series-making-and-coloring.html

http://www.makeit-loveit.com/2010/04/make-cake-series-estelle-part-1-cover.html

http://www.makeit-loveit.com/2010/07/make-cake-series-filling-and-stacking.html

Also... I'm 2 and 1/2 weeks from my due date, feeling huge and exhausted, but having fun getting the kids pumped about meeting little brother.

This video is not the kind of thing I'd normally make public, but if you don't get nauseated by a giant stretch-mark laden stomach, have a peek. Apollo's commentary cracks me up.

Apollo thinks he can hear the baby crying.

Apollo is FOUR!!!

2011-03-22T00:07:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I have a four-year-old. Has it really been four years since this sweet, amazing little person came into our world? In some ways, it feels like just yesterday he was born, and in other ways it feels like an eternity- especially when I think about how much I have learned and how much my life has changed with becoming a parent.

Birth story can be found here: http://thatcrazygravesfamily.blogspot.com/2009/03/celebrating-birth-of-apollo.html

It's been so much fun watching our boy change through these last four years:

Our first glimpse of our boy. He was pink and gold and smelled so sweet.

Look at those cheeks

Age 1

Age 2

His third Birthday (On the ride home from the doctor's with stitches in his head)

His birthday present

Age four- with a head full of cowlicks.

Apollo, I learn something from you every single day. Your wisdom catches me off guard sometimes- you say the most profound things when I least expect it. Your sensitive and passionate nature scares me a little bit, but I love it and wouldn't change it for the world. Your ability to see the beauty and brilliance in those everyday things I take for granted inspires me. Your intelligence is intimidating- I wonder if I can live up to task of being your teacher. Your capacity to love makes me cry when I think about it- watching how gentle and patient you are with your little sister. I am so blessed to be your mom. Every day I have with you is a gift.

Love you dude!!! Happy 4th Birthday!!!!

My kiddos

2011-03-04T00:05:00.000-08:00

Apollo likes to "read" to Sunshine. His favorite book to read is "Brown bear Brown Bear What Do You See." Here they are. I just want to kiss them to death when they have moments like these:

Apollo took this picture. It's one of my favorite. She never smiles for me but hams it up for him.

There are also moments where I don't want to kiss them to death... lots of moments. Especially Apollo. He is such a defiant little boy. He isn't the obedient type and often my directions to him go in one ear and out the other. It is so frustrating!!!!!! Today, I had a tantrum at him. One of those yelling super-duper-loud losing-my-cool moments that leaves me wondering if I am a horrible mother and if other moms have moments like me. Then, while driving him to preschool, I broke into tears thinking about how he must feel when I spend the majority of the day punishing or lecturing him. Maybe a fresh batch of pregnancy hormones came in today, or something, because I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster. I decided we needed some fun time. Time where I wasn't trying to clean the house or wrangle Sunshine or cook dinner- one-on-one mommy and Apollo time. I took him on a date when Cameron got home from work. I asked Apollo where he wanted to go and he said "Starbucks and Toys R Us." So off we went, and it was so much fun. Hot chocolate and a new flashlight and he was on cloud nine. Kids are so wonderfully simple when it comes to what pleases them.

Sunshine was fussy all day with a fever and a horrible cough. I took her to the doctor's for the third time in a matter of weeks, only to be told yet again that she is fine and it's viral and to just wait it out. Sometimes I wonder if the doctors are trying not to roll their eyes at me when I take her in. I wish I could look in her ears and make sure they aren't infected myself. It sucks. I hate it when she's sick :( I especially hate when the kids have fevers and want to be held all day. I love snuggling her, but can tell she feels totally miserable.

She said her first sentence this week. Cameron was taking her out of the bike trailer in a downpour of rain and she said "Hi! It's raining!!! Oooh Oooh!"

And... here they are dancing for about two seconds. Whenever they see the camera, they get distracted and want to play with it

And here they are torturing our poor pig Edwin.

My Maternity Wardrobe

2011-02-23T16:28:00.000-08:00

Lately, all of my maternity shirts are starting to get too short. I put them on, and they seem to fit pretty well initially, but then my stomach slowly pushes the waist of my pants down while my shirt rides up, so I am left with the bottom half of my gut hanging out. It's not pretty.

No that isn't me.

This, however, is me- when I was pregnant with Apollo, a few months (yes months) before I had him.

And here I am a few weeks before Sunshine was born. Can you tell why I don't take very many pregnancy pictures?

I have yet to take any of myself lately.

Anyhow, that kind of bump is hard to keep covered. It just wants to escape. I hate buying maternity clothes. Buying something that will be totally useless to me in a few months just isn't how I roll- I'm too cheap. So the alternative is I get to wear all of Cameron's T-shirts. YAY! They fit because, well, when your husband is five foot 18 inches tall, he has long shirts.

So here are my options. Do I want to wear the "cut the cheese" shirt?

or the "I have gas" shirt? (this isn't the exact one he has, but you get the idea)

Or there's the "I heart Hot Moms" shirt. He tells me I'm being narcissistic when I wear it :)

He also has a shirt that says "poopfinder" on it. Are you sensing a theme?

Another one he has says "It's a girl" from when Sunshine was born. I wear it when I'm feeling passive aggressive- it's fun to confuse people.

Hmmmm.... maybe it's time to buy Cameron some new shirts. Maybe one with something other than poop references on it. Something I might be able to pull off in a Non-Walmart setting.

I'm so glad when Daddy comes home

2011-02-21T22:32:00.000-08:00

.... I really am. He's the fun parent. I'm the boring parent. I accept that. Cameron is hilarious. He's adventurous. He is everything I want to be and am usually not. I'm the anxiety-ridden, list-making wrangler of children who gets stressed when the house is littered with toys. I make dinner and kiss owies and make the kids clean up their messes but I forget to just embrace the moment and go with it- which is where Daddy comes in. He keeps it real. He throws them up high in the air and lets them hold bugs and climb trees. When Sunshine wants to play with the electrical outlet, he doesn't intervene. "She'll learn once she gets shocked." Daddy is so much fun!

Daddy is also the next best thing to a carnival ride. Pardon my really annoying, loud voice in the first video. Maybe just put it on mute :)

This is weak sauce compared to how fast Cam can get him spinning when he isn't holding a Camera

Scaling Mount Daddy

And finally, Cameron and the cuties from our babysitting swap/ Joy school, telling knock knock jokes and screaming.

Showing Some Restraint in Life's Buffet

2011-02-18T13:37:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite things EVER is a good buffet. I'm not talking about the kind of buffet that they have at say, Chuck E. Cheese, with a bunch of wilting vegetables and luke warm salad dressings. I mean one of those buffets they have at the fancy hotels with silver serving trays and whole tables devoted solely to dessert. It's pretty much my idea of heaven. The only challenge is getting it all to fit on my measly plate. Usually it takes all of my best Tetris skills along with some balancing to make it all fit. It usually looks something like this times ten (I am seriously disappointed in Google images- this was the best they have for images in my search of "loaded buffet plate".... pfffft, I've had better.)

Usually, I am half way through loading up my plate when it dawns on me what a precious commodity my plate space is, and suddenly all of the options seem overwhelming and I start to regret my decision to get noodle salad when I see that there is a tray of chocolate covered strawberries. My plate begins to feel so very small and I spend so much time hemming and hawing- it's about as stressful as food choices get.

Lately, I feel like life has given me a very small plate at the world's biggest buffet, and I don't know where to start. I love having a full plate- don't get me wrong, but I also hate it when everything starts to melt together and overlap so I can't appreciate each individual flavor. For example, my alone time and personal hygiene are now one and the same. The only time I ever get a moment without children climbing on me is when I lock the bathroom door to either take a shower or use the toilet, and even then I am usually inundated with requests. Today, Apollo banged on the door and asked me to sing him the ABC song again and again while I was showering. I didn't understand why he wanted me to sing it until I unlocked the bathroom door and discovered him and Sunshine covered head to toe in Spiderman Tattoos. He learned from my friend Taylor to sing the ABC song while waiting for the tattoo to adhere while he presses it on with a wet washcloth. I was actually really impressed. He had one right in between his eyes and Sunshine had one on her cheek and her arms were covered in them. I don't know how in the world he got her to sit still for all of them! But I digress...

I either need to just accept the fact that there is only so much plate space and be happy with what I have, or I can continue to eye all of the options and feel despair. I mean, why can't I have it all?

All I want is a body that looks like this:

Well, the cat woman suit is a little much, but still- Halle Berry can pull it off.

And maybe a house that looks something like this:

And children who behave like this (especially at the grocery store)

I want my kids to eat yummy homemade organic chock full of produce meals:

And to be as impeccably put together as Michele Obama (I don't care what your politics are, it's hard to argue that she always manages to look elegant and hip)

But instead, I am the woman who wears her pajamas to preschool when I drop my son off. His preschool starts around lunch time. I'm the pregnant lady with the two screaming kids sporting Koolaid mustaches and drippy noses, holding the line up at the grocery store.

My house usually looks something like this:

Our dirty laundry pile is so tall that it is touching a picture hanging on the wall in our bedroom.

And today, Apollo had chocolate pudding and bananas for lunch. Awesome parenting, I know.

But you know what? I don't want my buffet plate full of time spent styling my hair or cleaning my house or exercising and weighing all of the food I consume. I want a plate filled with playtime with my kids, getting my hands dirty in back yard while we chase the chickens and pig around, making out with my husband while we snuggle after dinner instead of doing the dishes. I want a dirty, messy, beautiful life full of those moments that have nothing to do with perfection, but with love and laughter and bliss.

Don't get me wrong- I like having a clean, pretty house and children without goobers on their faces and I'll try my best to keep up with it. I'm just so over feeling guilty about everything. Mother's guilt is such an ugly thing sometimes. I'm done wondering why I can't have a career and spotless house and small waist and children who never misbehave. It's such a waste of energy, and it casts a shadow on all that I have to be grateful for. I am so blessed.

I've decided to quit my job when this next baby comes along if only so I can be a better chef/housekeeper/mother for my family. It's hard to give up those pieces of myself that remind me that I am more than just this tired parent who spends so much time chasing kids around and picking up toys. But maybe there's a lesson to be had in all of this. Maybe a little restraint in life's buffet is in order. Perhaps accepting that I can't do it all is the first step in realizing my potential. I sure hope so.

I'm ready to be queen of my universe.

I really am the Luckiest

2011-02-14T19:47:00.000-08:00

Our song:

I just feel so lucky that I get to spend every day with my best friend. I love that I still count the hours until Cameron gets home when he goes to work. I love how he manages to make me laugh until tears stream down my face on a weekly basis. I love watching him love our children. He's such an amazing father.

My favorite part of the day is when the kids have gone to sleep and we lay in bed talking. Sometimes we'll snuggle and go right to sleep, and sometimes we'll stay up for hours, talking, laughing, sharing our secrets and saying all of those thoughts that you only save for someone who you know you can truly be raw and open with. It's the best.

Valentine's Day this year consisted of heart-shaped pizza, homemade heart-shaped cards, chocolate dipped strawberries and snuggling with the kids climbing all over us. It's not glamorous but it's oh so much better than anything else I could dream up. It's full of love. My cup runneth over. I feel so blessed. I feel like the richest person in the world- I have all of those priceless things in life and I don't intend to take one second of it for granted.

The Pop-up book Cameron made me for our first Valentine's Day together.

Our wedding day

Love his kisses

Thoughts on my little boy

2011-02-13T22:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I'm so inundated with cute, adorable moments from the kids, that I take it for granted. I forget that soon these little people will be big smelly teenagers who don't sit on my lap and give me kisses anymore.

As I type this Apollo is sitting in bed with me, wearing his Superman jammies, and explaining to me how the human body works while showing me a picture of the intestines from his "human body" book. "That's where the food becomes poop, mom!" His chubby hand traces the intestines while he explains where the food goes. He has a fake heart tattoo on his arm that's starting to peel off. His hair sticks up everywhere from all the different cowlicks on his head. He turns and asks me "Mommy, do Easter Bunnies like salad?". He's so stinking adorable.

Another recent Apollo quote:
"Dad, you're my favorite superhero."

He was also recently explaining to me what people do.
"Babies cry a lot and poop in diapers. Dad's go to work and then come home and feed the chickens. Moms work on their laptops and argue with kids." Knife through the heart, I tell ya!

Apollo is also convinced that he has magical powers. While driving, Cameron pretends to hand Apollo the "magic", and then Apollo waves his hands in the air and "magically" turns the dome light on and off. Sunshine has been getting in on the act lately too. Also, Cameron has been practicing his magic tricks lately, and Apollo has been getting in on the act, using his "magical" power to make Daddy's tricks work.

The other night, Cameron and I were laying in bed, talking about how we could be better parents. Some days, I feel like I spend half the day scolding him, yelling at him, or sending him to time out. He likes to test the boundaries and he gets frustrated with Sunshine, who follows him around constantly and wants to do whatever he is doing. I just wish I knew what to do with him. He's so mischievous, but it's also what I love about him. I'm pretty sure that the visionaries of the world liked testing the boundaries as kids. He's so smart and so good at expressing himself, sometimes I have to remind myself that he's only three and I shouldn't expect so much of him. As Cameron and I lay in bed, discussing how hard it must be to be a three-year-old with so many emotions and so many questions, I just wanted to go grab him from his bed and snuggle him and kiss his sweet chubby cheeks. I thought of all of those impatient moments I'd had with him throughout the day. I thought of how he had cried after I had yelled at him and had said "I'm having a rough time." Sometimes, I don't feel like I deserve to have such a brilliant, sweet, sensitive spirited little boy. He teaches me so much. I really hope I can learn to be a better, more patient parent.

Frugal Living

2011-02-11T18:51:00.000-08:00

* Preface: Forgive me if I am repeating myself from previous things I have written, and I really don't want to come across as self-righteous or like I have all of the answers. I'm just excited that we are finally getting out of debt and wanted to share what has worked for us. It's been a long, sucky road getting here, but we're doing it, and I hope by sharing what works for us I can help someone else who may be struggling with the same thing.

Cameron and I have been on a Dave Ramsey inspired debt reduction plan. It's been wonderful, but difficult at times. We eat lots of beans and rice and pasta. I cut lots of coupons. Date night sometimes consists of pizza at home with a Netflix movie. But it's all for a good cause. Our marriage has become stronger and we are both on the same page, excited about living debt free.

For the first few years of our married life, we always lived paycheck to paycheck. It's kind of embarrassing to admit that because I always considered myself a planner and a fairly responsible person, but for some reason, life's circumstances always seemed to leave us with too much month and not enough paycheck. We didn't exactly plan out having kids so early, and anytime we thought we were making some headway, there were unplanned expenses such as medical bills, car repairs, and other setbacks.

I began to feel hopeless, like there was no way for us to get ahead. After buying our house (a dream realized mostly by the help of family and loans to be paid back through the new home buyer tax credit) and fixing it up to livable standards and having our second baby, our debt situation began to feel overwhelming. How were we going to dig ourselves out of this mess when we could barely pay for our monthly living expenses and bills? We considered drastic things like movings somewhere where the cost of living wasn't so ridiculously high, or me working full-time and putting the kids in daycare, but those options just didn't feel right for us. We felt stuck.

Well, I'm happy to report that we are doing it! We're slowly paying off our debt! There is hope! And I am so excited about it, I want to share a few of my frugal living tips with anyone else trying to live on meager funds. The more simply I live, the happier I feel.

We Communicate
Money use to be a source of stress. We'd talk about it and we'd both be tense and stressed the entire conversation. We would talk about our giant bills and small income and stress over what we could do to fix it. We'd feel helpless together. But we never had a guide or a plan, so our discussions always seemed to end up at a dead end. We read the Dave Ramsey book and watched a few of his DVDs and began to talk about it in a more organized fashion. It was really helpful to have something to guide our discussions and give us ideas. Check out http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/. Once we started following a plan and saw that it was working, our talks turned from stressful to hopeful to excited. Now we look forward to our budget talks! I know, we're nerds.

The envelope system
We pay for everything with cash. I've tried multiple different kinds of budgeting, but for us, the cash system takes the cake for the easiest to follow and the most effective way of staying in our budget. We separate our money into different envelopes at the beginning of each month. I keep all of the receipts in an envelope so that we can review where our money has gone each week. When the money is gone, its GONE, and we have to get creative. Plus, paying cash really makes me think a lot more about where my money is going. There is just something about handing over a stack of bills verses swiping a piece of plastic. The only things we don't pay cash for are our monthly bills and gas. Any other spending is cash.

Another reason why paying cash is a good idea? It helps small businesses. Credit card companies often charge retailers fees when someone uses a credit or debit card.

Buying Organic/Living green
I wish I could afford all organic produce. I wish that every dime I spent went to a business that used sustainable and green practices,. I can't. I have to pick and choose. I have some standards I don't budge on. I avoid Walmart at all costs. I try to buy the top twelve items from the Environmental Working Group's dirty dozen: http://www.organic.org/articles/showarticle/article-214. I also buy most meats and dairy organic. We eat meat fairly rarely. I also try to support local/small businesses when I have a choice between that and a chain.

Buying used, growing my own produce, recycling, and getting eggs from my own chickens are some other ways I try to live more green.

Craigslist
I have a huge crush on craigslist. It's not only a great place for shopping, but a great way to sell what we no longer need or want. And another way to live green. Our monthly clothing budget is only $20 total. That's for all four (soon to be five) of us. But you know what? I think my kids dress pretty dang cute. I buy all of their clothes off of Craigslist, aside from what they inherit from friends who have older children who outgrow their old clothes. I bought Sunshine three huge garbage bags full of clothes a few months back from a woman on craigslist. She had so many clothes I couldn't fit them all in her dresser. I'm pretty sure I would have paid hundreds upon hundreds if I bought them new. And they are adorable. Nobody but me knows they are used.

Swapping
It's nice to find other people with kids who I can swap clothes with. Some of my friends who have older girls give me their daughters old clothes and I give them Apollo's old clothes for their little boys and it works out great. And seriously, kids are cute in anything, as long as it's clean. I'm pretty sure Sunshine could make a burlap sack look adorable. Plus, my kids don't really care what they are wearing as long as it's comfortable.

We do a babysitting swap with two other families the first three Saturdays of the month. Apollo and Sunshine LOVE it because three Saturdays a month they get to have a play date with some of their best friends, and we get two dates out of it and only have to spend one night per month watching six kids. The nights that we have all the kids are usually fun too.

In the past, Cameron has traded his magician skills for things that we can use. He did magic for a few years at the Marriott's Santa breakfast and in return we got a free overnight stay with breakfast. It was a great (and free) way to celebrate our anniversary.

We also participate in research studies and surveys for extra cash when we can. Check out the etc. section on craigslist and see if there is anything you'd be interested in participating in.

Estate Sales
I love going to estate sales. I recently found nesting cast iron pans for only 25 cents! I wanted to get rid of my teflon pans because I worry about the health risks associated with old teflon, and all it took to replace all of my teflon was a quarter! Woo hoo! I also found a dresser for $2. It needs a paint job, but it's solid wood and just the right size for Apollo's room. Estate sales are also a great source for tools and gardening supplies. Plus they are fun :) You get a glimpse into what someone collected over their lifetime. I like getting something with a little history.

Elbow Grease/ Do-it-yourself
I use a lot of spray paint. Click here to see my most recent project. I love having a nicely furnished house, but I can't afford new furniture. The only thing I have ever bought brand new is our couch (and we kind of cheated- we returned all of the china people bought us for our wedding and used the store credit at Macy's for a couch. We figured we'd use the couch more than we'd ever use china). It's the only upholstered thing in our house. If I need something that isn't upholstered I will never pay for it new. I like buying used because I can get something made of solid wood that will last much longer than something made from veneer. I also think it gives a home lots of character when it doesn't look like everything was bought at furniture showroom- Boring. It's easy to make something look new with new knobs or pulls and a coat of paint.

I also make my own laundry soap, fabric softener, and dishwasher detergent. Click here for the laundry soap/fabric softener recipes and here for the dishwasher detergent recipe.

One of our favorite changes we recently made is baking our own bread. It takes more time, but it tastes so much better than store bought bread, plus it's cheaper. We buy the giant Costco bags of flour.

Cameron is handy and knows how to fix things when they break (thank goodness) and if we can't fix it ourselves, we usually know someone who can at least explain to us how to do it ourselves. Our cheapness has forced us to develop skills we might not otherwise have.

Needs verses wants
We really had to be sticklers about our needs vs. wants. I have never owned an Ipod but I have wanted one for the last six years. Sometimes it sucks, but it isn't a need and I can hold out until we are debt free before I have my Ipod full of my favorite tunes to help drowned out the noise from the kids. I also don't need a flat screen TV, a cell phone, a Kindle Reader, or a Kitchenaid Mixer. But I really, really want them. And sometimes it sucks.

We bought a system called Ooma for our landline. Basically, for a one-time fee of $200 we have a free landline with no phone bill, EVER. The landline works through our internet connection. I'm pretty sure that it has already paid for itself.

We decided we needed a cell phone for traveling and emergencies, so we bought a prepaid phone at Fred Meyer that we rarely use. Whenever I spend $75 at Fred Meyer, I get 20 free minutes, so I have only had to reload it twice in the last six months. I'm pretty sure our monthly cell phone bill works out to be less than $5 per month. Before we switched everything over, our cell phone bills were around $130. Big difference! Granted, I don't have the internet on my cell phone, but I don't miss it. I get more than enough internet time on my laptop, and it's a nice way to help me live in the moment rather than having a phone/ the internet to distract me.

Sell stuff
We saved up our emergency fund by selling things on Craigslist. For example, I had a beautiful Heywood Wakefield table that my mom had given to me. It was the table I spent all of my childhood dinners and birthday parties at. I loved that table, but I also knew I could probably sell it for a good amount. It also didn't fit very well in our tiny dining nook. It took some patience and I ended up posting it on craigslist probably a dozen times, but I finally found an antique collector who wanted it enough to meet my asking price of $900. I replaced that table with a wood table and six chairs that I only paid $25 for. Woo hoo! The new table is . probably going to get a spray paint makeover one of these days, but it makes me happy knowing that we have an emergency fund. Plus, now I don't have to worry about the kids coloring on the antique table.

If you don't have the cash to pay for it, don't get it.
A simple concept, but hard to live by. There are all kinds of things I think I need right now. I have mild scoliosis and my Chiropractor wants to see me three times a week to help fix some of the problems associated with it. We need to pay someone to trim our trees so that they don't fall down in the next wind storm. I need to have some of my baby teeth replaced with implants (three of my adult teeth never came in for some dumb reason). I want a mini-van instead of a dented Buick whose paint peels off when I wash it. I want to go on a family vacation. But... one thing at a time, we can save up for it and prioritize. It's not always fun, but it is nice to pay cash and not put things on our credit cards. I feel empowered instead of feeling like a slave to my debt, and you can't put a price on that.

How do you save money? Please share your tips.

Edwin the pig

2011-01-31T22:36:00.000-08:00

So, we have a new family member. He's a kindred spirit- he loves food, he likes standing above the heating vent in the kitchen, and he likes having his belly rubbed. Oh, and he's a pig.

Our friends Hayley and Carlos came to visit over the weekend. We had fun visiting Pike Place (despite the freezing rain), eating seafood at the crab pot, shopping at Anthropologie, eating more amazing food made by Carlos, oh, and did I mention the eating of the delicious food? Best pancakes and best halibut I ever tasted, made by Carlos. YUM. They brought Edwin to join our family. He's been well-loved by them, but they thought he could use a home where he had more yard to wander and where he doesn't have to compete with a dog for attention. They also brought along their three kids, so we had five kids four and under in our tiny house all weekend long, along with four adults. It was busy! But so much fun.

Hayley and Ellia at the Wall of Gum

Ava

Apollo in heaven with his giant sucker

Wall of gum

Working on getting that first cavity.

Playing at Country Village

I'll be honest, I was skeptical about this whole pig adoption, but Edwin is growing on me. I wasn't sure what to expect since I have never had a pig before. He doesn't demand attention the way a dog does, but he's friendly and loves to let you rub his belly. Apparently, his sister from the same litter is Paris Hilton's pet pig. So "the six degrees of Kevin Bacon"game works with Edwin, and I can't help but smile at the whole "Bacon" aspect, either.

He's also better at cleaning my floors than my Dyson ever was. I let him into the house today to clean up under Sunshine's high chair. The floor was spotless when he was finished, and then he went back outside when I asked him to. After I feed the kids, he stands at the sliding glass doors and wags his tail at me. I guess he knows what his job is around here! He's pretty cute, although I don't think I'll be kissing him on the snout like Cameron likes to anytime soon. Ewe. Gross.

I heart spray paint

2011-01-26T23:31:00.000-08:00

I am not the crafty type. I don't sew or dabble in knitting or make my own greeting cards. Blogging is as close as I'll ever get to scrapbooking. I think it all stems from my early years at school when I realized I was not one of those kids who was good at coloring inside of the lines, and that my handwriting was ugly. I remember taking home my report card with all straight A's, except for a big fat C in handwriting. Thank goodness I was born into the era of computers and typing. I can type pretty!

Anyhow, I never felt like an artistic or creative person, until I discovered the power of spray paint. I like it for a few reasons.

Why I love spray paint:

1- It's easy. Anyone who can hold a can and press a button can figure it out.
2- It's cheap. It ranges anywhere from $1-$4 per can.
3- It can transform something cheap and dirty looking into something shiny and colorful. FUN!
4- If done properly, it is durable and can last a long time.

My latest mission has been to find a dresser for Apollo's room that holds more clothes than the gorgeous-but-not-very-functional antique dresser that is currently in there. He's going to be sharing a room with his little brother eventually, and right now, there is a serious shortage of drawer space.

My budget: pretty much zero.
The Plan: Sell Apollo's current dresser on craigslist and use money towards something bigger that I can fix up and make pretty. I can sell his antique dresser for a lot and put the rest in savings- YAY!
The outcome: He's getting the old dresser from my bedroom, because I found the PERFECT dresser for our bedroom.

I was inspired by this blogger and her awesome night stands. Aren't those gorgeous?

I found this for $20!!!! Solid wood, lots of storage, and plenty of detail, so I knew it would look amazing with some glaze.

One of the drawer pulls was broken, and it smelled like a grandma, but I knew it had potential. And for twenty bucks, it was worth the risk.

I unscrewed all of the hardware and drawers and cleaned with krud kutter,

Then, I primed it with spray paint primer. I used the cheapest primer they had at Fred Meyer (I think it was $1.50 per can). It took three cans.

I didn't bother sanding anything. I figured since I was glazing it, any imperfections would add character.

After the primer dried I spray painted it with Krylon Blue Ocean Breeze. I love turquoise. I did three coats. It took about five cans ($3.50 per can at Fred Meyer)

Tip: They sell this little tool for around $5. It was so worth it. I hate getting a sore trigger finger. I think it helped me spray it on in a more even motion, too. Plus, I'm sure I'll use it in may of my future spray painting adventures.

At this point, I began to doubt myself. Only Barbie's dream house would have a place for a giant bright turquoise dresser.

Thankfully, when I started applying the glaze, all of my doubts vanished. It was going to look AWESOME.

All the blogs I have read recommended buying a pint of the Ralph Lauren Faux technique glaze and having the store add black (or brown if that's your preference) tint to it. Well, lemme tell ya, Ralph Lauren is expensive, so I went with Valspar's tintable glaze. The guy at the paint place seemed confused when I asked him to add black tint to it, but he listened nonetheless. I can't remember how much I paid for it, since I bought it last year when I glazed a hutch in my dining nook, but this can will last me a while. I only bought a pint and there is still some left.

Update: The Ralph Lauren line is being discontinued at Home Depot- they are selling a pint for $3 each and a gallon for $10. Run don't walk to your nearest Home Depot! That's a steal! Normally a pint is about $18.

I used some rags to wipe the glaze over the dresser. I tried to wipe with the wood grain on the flat parts of the dresser- on the more ornate parts, I used a paint brush to get into all of the grooves and nooks. I learned that it goes on a lot darker than it dries. This was probably the most time-consuming part. It takes a lot of wiping.

After everything dried I sealed everything with a clear coat of spray paint.

Then, I spray painted the hardware with Oil Rubbed Bronze Spray paint.

This stuff rocks! I am tempted to paint all of the 1970s brass doorknobs in my house with this stuff.

I also had to figure out what to do about the broken drawer pull. I pulled two pulls that I had saved from our kitchen makeover and found that they were the right size, so I spray painted them to match.

When it was all over, my back was killing me but I was giddy looking at how pretty it turned out.

Now I just need to sell Apollo's old dresser so I can move it inside.

Update: Here it is after I moved it into our room. Sadly, it didn't work well in the space because we couldn't open the middle cupboard because of the distance between our bed and the dresser, so I sold it on craigslist. It's okay though, I made a profit!

Cost breakdown:

3 cans primer at $1.50 per can:

$4.50

5 cans Krylon Blue Ocean Breeze at $3.50 per can:

$17.50

1 can clear spray paint:

$2.00

1 can of Rustoleum Oil rubbed bronze spray paint:

Free (I already had it from previous projects)

Glaze: I already had it from a previous project.

Craigslist dresser:

$20.00

Total: $44.00

YAY! I think I can sell Apollo's old dresser for just under $400, so hopefully I'll end up netting about $350ish! Woo hoo! Dave Ramsey would be proud.

A few tips:

If you mess up, sandpaper comes in handy. I messed up quite a few times (getting dirt on wet paint, scratching the top after setting something on it before the paint cured, etc.) Sand and repaint and re-glaze the sections that might need it, and all mistakes are forgiven.

Be safe. I'm pregnant, so I wore a mask and spray painted outside on my covered patio for good ventilation.

I also did a little side project while I was waiting for the dresser to dry. I found a hideous wood lamp base at goodwill. It was ugly, but I loved the modern shape, so I spray painted it with some of the Krylon paint and put an old lamp shade I had on the top.

It cost me $1.50

I wish I had taken a before picture. Oh well.

There you have it! Even non-crafty, not-artistically-inclined me can operate a can of spray paint. You can do it too!

Our Holidays and then some

2011-01-16T00:23:00.000-08:00

Its January 15th- and I am finally getting around to writing about our holidays. I'll keep it short and sweet and let the pictures do the talking, but if I had one word to describe our Christmas it would be AWESOME. Now that Apollo is three and he gets what Christmas is all about, we are having a blast sharing the magic of Santa and Christmas traditions with him.

We kicked off our holiday celebrations with Christmas Adam (the night before Christmas eve- because Adam came first) with our friends the Johnsons, the Schmidts and The Coates. We ate ribs (get it- ribs? Adam?) and awesome food and the kids acted out the nativity. CUTEST NATIVITY EVER.

Some of the kids

Sunshine the Shepherd

Mary and Joseph

Tending to baby Jesus

Joseph and Jesus

Then we went to our annual Christmas even celebration with Cameron's mom's side fo the family. The kids were spoiled ROTTEN I tell ya. I ate my weight in awesome food, and forgot to take pictures. But when I don't take pictures it means I am having lots of fun.

And then Christmas... Santa came! I guess we were good this year! He did leave sooty footprints all over the house that Apollo had fun following, and he took all of the candles out of our fireplace, but I forgive him for being such a slob because he left such awesome presents.

He ate the cookies and left a note in it's place. He even left a bag of chicken feed in the chicken coop for our Chickens.

Santa left us a note

The Hulk and Batman.

Batman plays the accordion

I made pie. YUM.

The Schmidt kids came over and we put on shaving cream beards.

And here is a really long video of the first few minutes of Christmas morning.

Christmas rocked!

The best part was that Cameron took the week after Christmas off. We went over to visit our friends Hayley and Carlos in Moses Lake and had a blast.

Carlos is a master chef and I am not kidding when I say I gained ten pounds on our trip. I really did. I know this because every time I go to the doctors, they weigh me. Oh but it was so worth it.

Chef Carlos

Cute Hayley

The kids. They have three adorable girls- Ava, Ellia and Fiona. We did so many fun things in Moses Lake.

We enjoyed the snow and even had the chance to walk on Moses Lake itself. It was frozen solid.

Sledding and being towed via "Reindog"

Sunshine had fun being obsessed with their three-month-old baby, Fiona.
OBSESSED.

She would smother the baby with hugs and kisses. SMOTHER. It's going to be interesting having another baby with her around to "help" me mother him.

Baby Fiona

We also went to a dairy farm and learned all about where our milk comes from and saw some adorable baby calves. They were so cute.

And we partied. My other wonderful friend from High School, Krista, and her husband Jorge and her sisters and mom came up for the best New Years Party EVER.

Cam the balloon man. He is a kid magnet.

Playing games

Sunshine hanging with the girls

Krista and I looking hot. Hahahaha.

Happy New Year!

Oh the fun we had. It was so much fun seeing my sweet friends again and getting to know their beautiful families. I can't wait for next time!

And... the latest around these parts. Apollo got a new Big Boy Bed. I want to cry. He is growing up too fast!

Putting together the big boy bed.

I am six month pregnants but feel like I am twelve. Pretty sure this is my last pregnancy EVER.

And little miss Sunshine got her first haircut. I cut her bangs. She melts my heart. I also can't seem to get a picture of her where her eyes are open.

Whatever. She's still adorable.

PHEW! Longest post ever- but now I am caught up! Gold star for you if you stuck it out till the end.

Am I in a John Candy Movie? Seriously.

2011-01-11T17:24:00.000-08:00

I have all kinds of awesome things to blog about-Christmas, New Years, our trip to Moses Lake to see our awesome friends... but I haven't had a chance to upload all of the pictures and write about it since I was trying to finalize a bunch of stuff for work before the new legislative session started. And now that things have slowed down with work, I've been bombarded with a series of events that leaves me scratching my head and wondering what the heck I did to piss off the gods.

It started Sunday night... Sunshine was up all night crying and totally inconsolable. The only thing that comforted her was letting her sleep on my chest- a nearly impossible feat while six months pregnant with raging heartburn, but it made her feel better. I had a doctors appointment the next morning, which I ended up being an hour late to because I couldn't find my purse ANYWHERE, and then it showed up in plain sight and I wondered if I was losing my mind. In the waiting room at the Doctors, Sunshine threw an enormous tantrum and somehow my checkbook managed to escape my purse. On the way out, thankfully, I found it again. Then... I attempted to take the kids to Chipotle so Apollo could have something in his stomach before I had to drop him off to preschool. You know the lady with the screaming kids who fling food at restaurants and who you roll your eyes at? I was THAT lady. And in my attempt to get the kids out of there, I left my purse on the chair in the booth we were sitting in. Thank goodness some kind soul chased me out of the restaurant and handed it to me. I could have kissed her I was so appreciative.

I got Apollo off to preschool just fine, but on my way home I got pulled over and was given my first speeding ticket. Well, technically my second, but the first one was never on my record since it was out of state about ten years ago. My spotless record has been tarnished...

I also took Sunshine to the walk-in-clinic and found out she has an ear infection and the beginning of bronchitis. Poor kid! So after two doctors appointments, a grocery trip, and a pharmacy trip, I got the kids home. We ate dinner and got everyone to sleep and I thought "Thank the lord that tomorrow is another day!"

Well- today was even more... fun. I'll just cut and paste what I wrote on facebook- 1 a.m.- Sunshine barfs on me in bed. We clean it up and bathe her and comfort her back to sleep. 4 a.m.- Apollo comes into bed, barfs on me, and we clean it up again and bathe him. Sometimes, being a mom is really, really gross. Pretty sure tonight could have been featured on an episode of "Dirty Jobs."

It was gross. I dry heaved- A LOT. Cameron was out flinging barf chunks off of our sheets and into our lawn at four a.m. After last night, I'm pretty sure I am never making taco soup ever again- it looks exactly the same after being partially digested.Yet, somehow, amongst all of the disgusting stuff, there were some pretty awesome moments of humor. Perhaps we were delirious from sleep deprivation, or just low on oxygen from all of the toxic fumes, but I'm pretty sure we could make a stand-up routine that would make us millions using the material we came up with last night in bed. I remember thinking "I am so glad that I have someone to laugh about this with. It almost makes it worth it. Almost."

Cameron went to work today. Apollo has refused to eat anything and Sunshine has been clingy and miserable and refuses to sleep. I finally hit my limit at around 4 p.m. and put her in her crib and went and laid on my bed. I listened to her cry for a few minutes, but her crying eventually faded to babbling as I drifted into a fog of half-sleep, half awake. Then I heard an enormous crash and shattering sounds come from her bedroom. I sprinted out of bed to find that she had, somehow, moved her crib halfway across the room (while still in it) and pulled down her heavy wooden dresser, which had our printer and her ceramic piggy bank on top of it. Glass and pennies everywhere. I don't know how she managed it. She never ceases to amaze me with her talent at destroying things.

Cameron just walked through the door. I'm going to go hide from the children now.

Sunshine the Gozarian, Sunshine the destructor

Tis the season

2010-12-15T06:38:00.000-08:00

Around this time of year, all kinds of things happen:

We grow beards

We all catch colds and my clothes have all kinds of booger marks all over them at the end of the day from my kids. Apparently, to them, I am just a giant walking napkin.
Sunshine also steals all of the ornaments from the tree. Thank goodness for the plastic ones.

We write letters to Santa Clause with Apollo.

I also threaten to call Santa and tell him not to bring presents when Apollo is misbehaving. Works better than bribing him with M&Ms!

We have our annual gingerbread house decorating party and the kids get wired:

Mojave and Anza's houses.

Mad & her gingerbread choo choo train. Too cool.

Becca and her house.

This one is ours. Pretty sure the gingerbread train took the cake for the coolest. Our gingerbread house would probably be condemned in it's present state. Most of the roof is gone and the rest is disappearing quickly.

We delight in those unexpected gifts that come our way.

Our first chicken egg. If I didn't know better, I would think it was filled with chocolate. The first eggs they lay are so small, they remind me of the Cadbury eggs we get at Easter. We cracked it and the yolk was so yellow, it almost looked orange.

We get pictures of the kids and send out our Christmas cards at the 11th hour

The kids and their cousin Zander, my Brother's son. I am seriously amazed that these turned out- pretty sure at least one of them was tantruming the entire photo shoot.

Cam and I buy stuff that we wouldn't normally buy and then tell each other that it's our Christmas gift from one another. He got a router. I asked for a pressure washer so I could make him clean the moss off of the roof with it. Woot Woot- living large!

I love Christmas!

Finding Balance

2010-12-08T17:08:00.000-08:00

Warning- this is a total brain dump.

Balance has never been my strength, at least not in the abstract form. I was never a star athlete, but I could always hold my own in activities that take balance (mainly slalom skiing). I joined a swing dancing club in college and got pretty good at the Lindy Hop and ballroom dancing, along with all of the spinning. I'd say I have some pretty sweet moves in some of my exercise classes. However, outside of the physical realm of what balance encompasses, I'm still a big fat failure.

I've pondered if it's just in my nature, or something I learned growing up. My parents are divorced and have such different personalities and ways of living, it's a wonder that they were ever married. My mother isn't meticulous or organized about anything, and can hold a hundred different competing thoughts in her brain at once. It sometimes overwhelms me, yet chaos is something she can embrace gladly. My father, on the other hand, always had a place for everything and everything in its place. His house was always clean and organized. Growing up, when my brother and I would go visit him, there was so much order and predictability to my day. I found comfort in that.

Where do I fall on this spectrum between my two parents? It's difficult to tell, but I'm slowly slouching towards the chaos end of the spectrum as I get older and have more children (who bring a whole heckuvalotta unpredictability into the mix). Part of my problem is my inability to manage my time. Sure, I can parent two spirited kids while pregnant, work part time from home, hold a church calling, exercise three times a week, teach a preschool co-op, cook dinner each night, and clean up after two miniature tornadoes consistently, no sweat, right? Well... I can, but it usually means something is being neglected. Namely, the stuff I don't feel like doing. Like laundry. And work. and cleaning my floors.

Work has always been a struggle for me. I always knew I wanted a career of some kind outside of motherhood. I love learning, and my biggest fear about becoming a mother was that I would somehow get too busy caring for children to keep my mind nurtured and challenged. My boss is a brilliant man who owns his own consulting business. I have been helping coordinate and develop the communication program for one of his clients, The American Massage Therapy Association- Washington Chapter, for the last few years. It has been a wonderful experience. I love working with such an amazing volunteer-run organization. People are inspired and passionate about what they are doing. I have learned so much. I often think that they could find someone smarter and more reliable to do what I am doing, but I am grateful that they keep me on.

I've also struggled with finding that balance that I yearn for. I usually end up working at night after everyone goes to bed. Being pregnant has made this difficult, because I find myself feeling so exhausted at the end of the day. Working from home always sounded so ideal, but the longer I do it, the more I miss working in an office, if only for the fact that it is easier to keep that boundary between work and home. Whenever the kids are quiet and I have a moment for myself, I find myself thinking about work, and how I really should use the time to accomplish something. It's always there, nagging at me in the background, making it hard to fully embrace those moments of quiet. I've also struggled with actually doing a good job. Lately, I feel ashamed of the quality of my work. So much of it is done last minute or late at night. I want to be proud of what I do. I also have other hobbies and aspirations that I've put aside because I don't have the time, and I don't want to regret setting those things aside because I was too busy.

Recently, my laptop broke, and I found some clarity. Suddenly, work wasn't an option. The kids and I played. My laundry was washed and folded and even put away! I cooked dinner for my family and it didn't come from a box. I read a book!!!! Which is a big thing for me because I truly have to limit myself with reading- to me it's like crack- I'm a junkie. It was such a wonderful experience. And humbling, because I realized how many things I regularly neglect because my plate is too full. Even though a small part of me missed the challenge and the stimulation of my job, I felt like I had finally been able to live in the moment.

My laptop is fixed now and I am facing looming deadlines. I am also pondering how I am going to manage everything down the road with a newborn added to the mix. Every time I seem to get my footing, another major life change throws me off again and I am left seeking that ever-elusive balance. My fear is that I'll forget to enjoy these amazing first years with my children because I am too stressed out or too distracted to slow down and drink in the moment. I'm also scared that their earliest memories of me will be of me ignoring them while I type on my laptop.

How do you keep that balance? And what do you do when you find yourself in over your head?

Seattle snow globe

2010-12-01T23:36:00.000-08:00

The Seattle area is a funny place to live. Don't get me wrong- it's my city. I love so many things about this area- the lushness, the hiking trails, the amazing parks, the rain (usually), the hippie come-as-you-are-granola-ness of it all. I love finding an amazing hole-in-the-wall restaurant, watching the street performers at Pike Place, and exploring the spices, handmade crafts, and luscious produce at the farmers market. Exploring the beaches along the Puget Sound, collecting shells and finding sand crabs with the kids. I heart the zoo (where Cam and I got hitched!). I even sometimes like being stuck on the 520 bridge because, well, at least I get to watch the boats float along Lake Washington.

Things I'm not such a huge fan of? The way the buses smell like urinal cakes. The rats the size of small dogs that scurry around Greenlake. Oh, and the way people in Seattle can drive fifty over the speed limit in a rain squall, but everyone panics at the first snowflake. It happens every year. Our one, big snow storm. Schools shut down. People share their near-death-black-ice experiences with each other. I-5 becomes a parking lot. The news covers nothing BUT the weather. It sucks. We have it pretty bad when it snows here because the temperature stays right around the freeze-thaw-freeze zone, so if it's icy, it's slippery. And wet.

But it's also so much fun!!! Even though everything shuts down and nobody knows how to drive in this stuff, people come out of their homes to enjoy this amazing thing called snow. This year, the big snow storm hit the week of Thanksgiving. Apollo was in heaven. I was... cold. But happy. Sunshine liked it until she got cold and grumpy. I put so many layers on the kids, they looked like marshmallows. The chickens hid in their coop under the heat lamp. Cameron played football with all the neighborhood guys and threw snowballs at poor, unsuspecting people (namely me). When we weren't in the snow, we drank lots of hot chocolate and snuggled under our down blankets. We even broke out the Christmas decorations and sang carols. But it was short-lived. The day after Thanksgiving, it all melted. It happened so fast. I kind of miss it, at least when I'm not driving and when I'm not cold. I'm hoping we'll get at least one more epic storm- maybe right around Christmas day. Please?

Football

Probably the most exciting day ever in the life of our laundry basket

Becca and Apollo's snowman

Thankful

2010-11-24T19:13:00.000-08:00

When I get down to it, I have more to be thankful for than I could ever begin to name. I love Thanksgiving, if only for the fact that it is a time where we are reminded to have gratitude for all that we are blessed with. I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel like I have blinders on, and I only see how blessed I am when I am compelled to look for it. I hope that changes and I learn to live a life of gratitude every day.

Here are a few things that I have been grateful for lately. Some are obscure, some more obvious, but for some reason, these particular blessings have been calling out to me lately:

- I am thankful that my laptop broke. It cost me $300ish bucks to fix, but it made me realize how much time I WASTE staring at a computer screen when I could be playing with my kids or building a snowman or, yes, even cleaning the house and tackling my own personal kryptonite, the laundry pile. I was supermom without my laptop to distract me. Hopefully I can find more balance now that it is working again :)

- I am thankful that I have to work for things. Cam and I have developed so many new talents and skills simply because we can't afford to just buy things the way we want them. And you know what? It's more fun that way. I actually had fun learning how to put in new floors, paint, tile, and find other creative ways to fix up our fixer-upper. I love painting and refinishing old furniture. I love attempting to sew things, and then watching Cameron take over and wow me with his amazing skills. It is empowering to develop our talents, because the one thing that we can't lose in this life is our knowledge. I don't know if I would be a very interesting person if I could afford all of those things that I want.

- I am thankful that Cameron has a job that is five minutes from our house, with a great company. I am thankful that I have a job I can do from home, without having to put my kids in daycare all day.

- I am thankful for my education. So often, I think we take credit for our intelligence, but so much of that is just because we were lucky. My mom didn't do drugs when she was pregnant with me. My parents read to me when I was a child, and took the time to teach me simple concepts, and nurture my mind. I had the priviledge of attending school and not having to drop out to help my family pay bills. I was even blessed to have parents that helped me pay for my college. Thanks Mom and Dad! And, I live in a country and era where a woman's education is considered just as relevant as a man's. I'm so lucky.

- I am thankful that I can google almost any question and find answers. For free! Thanks google.

- I am grateful that I have a faith in a higher power. It is an endless journey of questions with a few answers scattered here and there, but I have never been disappointed in the journey.

- I'm thankful that I have a marriage that works and that by some fluke I found my prince. I was pretty sure I'd never find someone who could put up with me, and every day I am grateful that Cameron not only tolerates me, he loves me, for some dumb reason. :)

- I love waking up in the morning and finding that somehow, the entire family has made their way into our bed. There is nothing sweeter than seeing Cam and the kids all warm and snuggled up, at peace. Can't wait to see how we fit five people onto our bed. Good thing it's a king.

- I'm grateful for all of those humbling, palm to forehead moments where I realize that I am, in fact, not the queen of the universe, and no, I don't have all of the answers. I have lots of those moments. They make me laugh. And cry. But mostly they make me more compassionate, forgiving, and hopefully, wiser.

- I'm grateful for a toilet that works! It was leaking and we had to go a day without it. Which made me really appreciate all of those other days when it was working. Modern plumbing is awesome!

- I am grateful for my kids. They drive me nuts and teach me so much. Being a parent is... amazingly insightful. And humbling. And challenging. And wonderful. and FUN! It really can't be described, it has to be experienced.

I am also grateful for this new life on the horizon- can't wait to hold our little boy in my arms and smell his sweet new baby smell. I'm so excited.

What are you grateful for? I really love hearing these things. Please share.

Halloween Recap

2010-11-01T22:54:00.000-07:00

Phew! What a week! I had the pleasure of being the mucus queen all week. My nose decided to turn against me and I was unable to breathe through it because it was so plugged up. Every morning, I woke up to a big drool spot on my pillow since I had to sleep with my mouth open all night. Oh man I hate having a stuffy nose. I get this clausterophic, on the verge of suffocating sensation when I try to sleep. I even tried using my handy neti pot, but my nose was so stuffy that the water wouldn't go through. Anyways- thanks for listening to my sob story. Whining is so therapeutic. I feel better now.

But, it was a fun week for the three-year-old. He got to to party at preschool and experience a sugar high at home. We went to a farm/pumpkin patch on Thursday, and we also had fun at our friend's Halloween party on Saturday. On Halloween, we joined our awesome neighbors for some pizza and cupcake decorating and then went trick-or-treating. The kids were so cute. They were sprinting door to door. Sunshine stole a few candy bars when I wasn't looking and started sucking on the wrappers. She threw a fit when I took them away. Apparently, reeses peanut butter cups are her new favorite food.

Today, Apollo left all of his Halloween candy (minus ten pieces he picked out) on the back patio for the Halloween troll to take away. In the morning, he'll have a non-sugary gift in it's place. My sister-in-law suggested this to me and I think it's brilliant.

I apologize for the picture dump, but I'm too tired to be organized about it.

Halloween and Masquerades

2010-10-26T22:18:00.000-07:00

Oh Halloween, how I love thee. I know I should like Christmas the best, but there is just something so wonderfully un-sanctimonious about Halloween. No expectations as far as reflecting on bigger things, no guilt about not spending it with relatives or forgetting to send a card to my great aunt. Halloween is just a day of fun, no strings attached. And it has lots of chocolate and the chance for us to take all of our repressed emotions and channel it into whatever costume/character we want to play. And did I mention chocolate?

Oh, and if you have kids, it's also full of all kinds of cuteness, such as...

We had a party with Apollo's friends. We drank "witches brew," made sugar cookies, and danced around the house.

Sunshine kissed Asher right after I took this picture. So cute.

Oh, and don't you worry. Unlike Christmas, when we usually just skip the presents for the adults and make it all about the kids, Halloween is one holiday where Cam and I try to make sure we get our fair share of partying too.

This year, we went to the Columbia Tower in Seattle for a Masquerade ball.

The Columbia Tower is the tallest skyscraper in the downtown Seattle Skyline, as well as the tallest building in the State of Washington, and the Pacific Northwest region of North America. It's like the Shaquille O'Neal of buildings. And we got to party on the top floor! Woot Woot!

Our friends Rachel and Noah are a little less redneck than us and belong to the highbrow Columbia club. We were excited to bring a little lowbrow to the mix.

We went as members from "Alice in Wonderland."

Cameron sewed a dress that would accommodate my pregnant belly. I can't stop bragging about him. He's the best. We made our masks out of plaster and painted them. It was fun. Here is Rachel with her mask drying.

Anyways... back to the party. It rocked. The food was amazing. There was an entire room devoted solely to dessert with chocolate fountain taller than Cameron. No, I'm not exaggerating. Can you say heaven? I tried to get a picture of the fountain, but when I went back to photograph it they had taken it down. Tear.

Yes, I took pictures of the food. It's what I do.

The view was awesome, but you can't tell from the pictures because we still don't know how to use our new camera. I was pointing at the Space Needle in this one. It looked like a midget.

Hi, I look really pregnant from the side,

Me and my sister, the White Queen. Don't worry, we're friends.

Can I just say I LOVE being able to cake on the makeup? I may make turquoise eyeshadow and bright red lipstick a daily thing. And maybe the crown too.

Pinkies in the air, people!

We made a few friends.

Our group came in second place in the costume contest. We were robbed, I tell ya.

There was a psychic in one room who read our fortunes. She told me I am having a boy. She also said my mom will go on a trip to an Asian Country. I was really hoping for some winning lottery numbers, but oh well.

There was also a magician, a fire swallower, and some really amazing gymnasts who apparently had backbones made of rubber.

Ouch. It makes me hurt just looking at it.

But the coolest part? The bathroom. Well, no, the dessert room, but the bathroom was the coolest bathroom I have ever seen. I truly felt like I was sitting on a throne.

The sign, telling guys they aren't allowed to use the ladies totally way-more-awesomer-than-theirs bathroom

There are about six stalls and the toilets all face a giant glass window where you get to sit on the throne and look down on the Seattle skyline. Again, the pictures suck because I couldn't turn the flash off, but just imagine peeing on a cloud. It was neato.

It was a blast. I felt a bit deflated when we climbed into our dented Buick and I felt Cheerios crunching beneath my feet. The kids stayed the night at Cameron's mom's. We went to bed at 2:00 a.m. and I got up at 5:00 a.m. to go to a leadership retreat for work the next day. I was reminded why I don't keep those hours anymore. I'm still paying for it, but it was SO worth it.

Oh Halloween, I can't wait to see what else you have in store. You're my favorite.

October Happenings

2010-10-14T10:42:00.000-07:00

October is one of my favorite months. I love Halloween, fall colors, hot drinks, sweater- all of those cliche fall things are right up my alley. We've been busy around these parts. We went to a gingerbread house decorating party with our friends. Our house was made from graham crackers because we were too lazy to make our own gingerbread, but it worked. Next October, I am going to copy Jen and make a chocolate gingerbread house- it looked spookey and tasted awesome.

Apollo had a gingerbread house, but it mysteriously "Broke" and started to disappear one piece at a time when it came time to decorate it.

He's also had a blast learning about pumpkins and wearing his spider hat everywhere.

And I had the opportunity to show off my totally awesome accordion skills (haha) at the SHoreline ward talent show with some of my friends and their band. It was so much fun. We attempted to perform this song by Arcade Fire:

I'm pretty sure we rocked it.

The kids sang and danced with us at the bottom of the stage. It was fun.

And our big plans for this weekend are to finish sewing our costumes for the masquerade we are attending at the Colombia Tower in Seattle. I'm going to be the Red Queen and Cam is the Mad Hatter. It's gonna rock. Pictures to come.

I know... I've been a bad blogger lately. And the blogs I do write are really short and boring. Being pregnant and watching two hyperactive kids is really taking it's toll. Hopefully I'll get better at being more consistent. Thanks to those few people who continue to read my boring posts :) Love you guys.

Newsflash: Best husband on the planet turns 32

2010-10-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

Yep, that's right, Cam is 32. On Sunday we celebrated with Cam's mom and step-dad and sister Beth and her boyfriend Matt. Apollo made a chocolate cake (I might have helped a little bit, but little dude is a pretty good chef).

And yesterday, I made his favorite dessert- apple pie. I don't have any pictures because we still don't have a working camera. I also just had a slice of pie for breakfast. YUMBO! pretty sure I'll be regaining those six pounds I lost from morning sickness in the coming week.

We also went all out and got him a lotto ticket (something we usually don't do). I don't think I'll be holding my breath on that one, but we had fun imagining what we would do with a few extra million. My list included lasik eye surgery, a European vacation, and new mini-van! I know, I dream big. Cam said he would want to invest it and live exactly the same way. BORING. But that's why I love him :) He just isn't a "stuff" person.

Cam is my favorite person in the universe for a million and one reasons. The other day, we were hanging out in a group of our friends, and they all nominated me for having the best marriage because I am so spoiled by Cameron. It's true. I'm spoiled! So, here's to you, Boo Boo.

Can't wait to get old and wrinkly with you over the next 32 years! Someday, if we're lucky, we'll eat prunes and smell like Bengay together. Love you!